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Tuesday, January 12, 2010

10 Dating Dealbreakers for Guys and Gals

I read an article about dating dealbreakers on cnn.com that I found to be absolutely hilarious… That sparked the creation of my own dating dealbreakers list for both guys and gals.

There’s a type of man or woman for every type of relationship you may want to get engage in. You may be looking for a one night stand; or maybe you’re just looking for a friend. But if you’re at a point in life where you’re looking to have your last first date, the last first kiss, and the last time falling in love… here are a few dealbreakers to keep you on track and off the date disaster highway.

For My Ladies:
Dr. Giggles – I’d like to think I’m pretty funny but I know I’m no Mike Epps or Will Farrell. So I hate to date a dude who laughs at absolutely everything. If he’s not laughing he’s giggling, if he’s not giggling he’s grinning… If he’s that nervous, dating is not for him. Toss him into the friend category.

El Cheapo- I don’t know who's been schooling you but its plain tacky to put enough money on the table for your meal only… I dated a guy who put only 10 bucks on the table after an IHOP meal. I had to laugh to myself and say, “Sweetie, no worries, I CAN pay for the both of us.”

Whose turn is it, mine or yours – If you’re at the age where you’re financially sufficient, be sure to date a guy who is as well. He should not be keeping track of who paid for the last outing to determine if he should be paying for this one. So if these words come floating out his mouth, “Uhhh, I’m almost certain I paid for the movies, so…” you might want to say “Check Please” even before the appetizers come out.

When I die, bury me with my cell – This man just wont stay off his phone. He’s either on facebook or BlackBerry Messenger or texting or straight up answering calls like he’s scared he’s going to miss something. He even has two phones like he’s a business man yet has no LLC and no employees. During the date, call his phone and say, “How about you take me home!”

I just wanna love every girl in the world - Girl crazy… of course men are attracted to attractive women… but if he can’t keep his eyes off every single chic that walks by, a commitment isn’t likely to be forecasted in his near future. But hey, if you swing that (three) way, this guy may be fun to keep around. (wink wink)

Raising his leg to your tree – first dates are for straight up getting to know each other, no more, no less. If this guy is territorial, choosing and ordering your meal, growling at the waiter for being too friendly, he might not be the right pup for you.

Hands off – I hate first date awkwardness when a guy wants to rest his hand on my thigh during the movie or wants to wrap his arm around my shoulders as we leave the theater and then wants to hold my hand as we talk during dinner. He’s jus not happy unless there's a physical connection. Kindly place his hand on his own thigh and apologize for him being raised by the tv as a kid.

Is there a mute button, or better yet, an off switch -Some guys just don’t know when enough is enough. This guy chit-chats with the host at the restaurant, the attendant at the coat check, the waiter, the ticket guy at the movies, the girl at the concession stand and lucky you get to hear this man’s mouth in between them all. By the end of the night he may realize he hasn’t heard a thing about you. And after that date, he never will.

Throws the ex under the bus – Guys who bad mouth their ex may be bitter or he still has some lingering feelings. But be aware if he insists his ex was a bit psycho. You may not be a punk, but to come out into the parking lot to find ol’ girl jumping out the bushes may not be a good look.

Uncomfortable silence – if the first date can’t produce a steady flow of conversation, it’s not like he’s an athlete having a bad game… it is likely that his convo game is a benchwarmer. Bring up sports or something just to get through the night. Or fake like you got to rush home to your dog who has diarrhea and his meds are in your purse (who cares if you really don’t have a dog, he’ll be disgusted and you’ll be home free).

For The Fellas:
Ready for the paparazzi - If you’ve been out on a few dates with honey and she’s always dressed like she’s going to the club, she may be a little high maintenance. Of course she should look her best if that’s what makes her feel good but when inviting her to your company picnic and she’s looking like Beyonce at the red carpet, she may be in a league by herself. So if you’re looking for a well balanced chic who dresses for the occasion and looks good in both a mini and some sweats, don’t stop here… keep looking for that right one.

Gossip Girl – some live vicariously through others and gossip is their morning coffee. If this girl thrives on gossip… celebrity gossip, facebook drama, hair salon useless banter, tell her to save her drama for her mama.

Local Celebrity - Where ever she goes she speaks to about five different people she knows. You take her to a nice restaurant in the cut or a movie theater in a completely different neighborhood and she knows the staff, the cleaning crew and half the clientele. It’s good to have a friend or two here and there but no guy wants a girl that EVERYBODY knows.

Airheads are fun to eat, not to date – a pretty face gets her in the door but not much farther if that’s all she is. If she can’t hold a convo, can't start a convo or starts drifting during the convo, you might be dating an airhead. Ask her what kind of makeup she uses, where she shops and how long it took her to get dressed if you want the best 3 minutes of convo of the nite.

She’s only been to TGI Fridays – there are some women who have never been to a nice restaurant, and that’s ok, as long as she knows the nice restaurant etiquette. No applying makeup at the table, no mispronouncing filet mignon, no wide eyes at the prices, and please keep the hands away from the hair resulting in her screaming there’s hair in her food. Maybe take her to Houlihan’s as a gateway restaurant into nice restaurants.

Clearly on the rebound - baby girl may not be ready for dating if any and everything reminds her of her ex. She doesn’t want to order the brushetta because her ex loved brushetta. She loves the jeans you’re wearing because that was her ex’s favorite designer. The jukebox plays a tune she and her ex always listened to... At the end of the night, drop her off at her ex’s crib because they clearly have some things to work out.

You say black, she says white – nothing is more annoying than a girl who thinks she knows it all.  Either you two can't see eye to eye or she thrives on confrontation.  She’s even ready to argue with you about your own personal experiences. She is telling you there’s no way you could have met Beyonce last month in the city because she checked bossip.com and B was in the Hamptons all month long.

Next Superstar – you can’t help it that you have a fascination with pretty girls, but can they ALL be aspiring models with an almost-deal that’s about to blow up any minute now. Do they ALL really have managers who will be able to get them in the next Trey Songz video? Are they ALL getting ready for the casting call for the next season of For the Love of Ray J?? If her dreams are relying on how well she does at the next Robert Treat Fashion Show, she’s not on the high end of big dreaming. 

You’re gonna have to face it, you’re addicted to love – That heart on the sleeve thing only works in the storybooks. Some girls are so bent on finding love that she’ll allow you to do and say just about anything to her. If you know you haven’t been on your best behavior and she hasn’t objected to it, she may be too passive and willing to take anything as long as your heart comes with it.

She’s pregnant – Don't know how you missed this… Maybe take a step back unless you don’t mind moving the dates to a Lamaze class.

Dating is supposed to be a dope and exciting experience. If it's not, use these dealbreakers to keep from wasting time, money or effort on disaster date number 2. EYEListen.


  1. Too funny at she's pregnant.

    You say Black, She says White: I can imagine how annoying this could be. There are some other such as Next Superstar and Clearly on the rebound that I could relate, but annoyance is definitely a deal breaker, if I have ever seen one.

  2. She's only been to TGI friday's not only does she think chivalry is dead, but she doesn't even know who to carry herself when someone does take her somewhere nice LLs.
    Great Post!

  3. ahh..this was a great read. Thanks for the comic relief! But those are right on and I'm gonna have to pass this on to SEVERAL of my friends :)