All You Need to Know is I'm Nah-da-hoe

Jay-Z: All you need to know is I'm Nah-da-hoe and to get with me, you betta be Chief Lots-of-doe...

Ever so often I hear from the self-proclaimed "not a hoe" and I listen rigorously to her claims to enthusiastically enjoy the act of sexing. She assures me that her having multiple sex partners hasn't, isn't, and will not deem her a hoe because she is grown and fully aware of the decisions she is making. And so, I remain detached. Unbiased even. Cuz keep it real, depending on who's the judge, 3 or better sex partners can be classified as a hoe and on the flip side, 50 or better may sound like a woman who knows what she likes. So I, PERSONALLY, don't want to touch on who IS and who IS NOT a hoe.  But keep in mind, ME, Just J, has no intention, no hopes, no desire on wifing you. But MAN... he's your judge and your jury.  And if you don't care what I think, please consider that man's idea of what is and is not a hoe.  After all, he has the responsibility of wifing a woman who may have had more sex partners than his whole crew.  And unless you practice: don't ask don't tell, or skeletons in the closet who remain unaccounted for, or if you've straight up lost count yourself and 8 just sounds like a perfectly reasonable body count, you may want to slow down and try NOT batting a thousand.  As trivial as it may be to you... it's something about man's territorial nature that they prefer to BELIEVE they are their woman's first, last and only... or at least the only from his block, his crew, his job, etc...

But that's neither here nor there...

My issue is this: why exactly do you have so much sex?

And not sex in quantity as much as sex partners in quantity. No judging over here, mind you. And if sex really is like a hobby, so be it!  Taking pictures is my hobby and I can shoot as many as 500 shots in a day. So no way would I put a cap on the 500 back shots you may fancy a day! But... and I say aloud BUT, I need you to realize, there is a hugeeeee gap between enjoying the act of sex and using it to find true love. So again, sex as a hobby, thumbs up, live ya life. (Protected I hope... Pls click We Were in the Kitchen When You Burned Me ). But if you have been having a truckload of sex with hopes of finding true LOVE, shoot yourself in the kneecap! Go ahead, I'll wait!

Simple analogy, if I want to get the perfect camera shot, I have to use my camera wisely. I can't take millions of shots cuz when the perfect angle, pose, frame comes along, my battery may be dead, memory card full!!  I absolutely must save space! And you, Miss Promiscuous need to save face!

So...

If it's...

SEX 4 FUN: google "hobbies" and do some soul searching... read a book, join a gym, hell, write a blog!!  And when ALL else fails, I guess, sex as a hobby it is!

Or if...

SEX 4 LOVE: understand that sex for love is wayyy worst than sex for money.  You can't even pay your car note with love!  But how do you draw the line between avoiding the whole sex for love thing when really you're just enjoying the moment?  It's simple, stop seeking the satisfaction of an isolated moment.  Everybody wants to live in a moment and capture that immediate emotion of undeniable chemistry.  But why get caught up in a joy ride that 99% of the time has an abrupt end.  Ever been on a roller coaster that DIDN'T tell you to exit left?  But women don't seem to believe the end will be abrupt.  They think a man doing something nice or opening up to you translates into him wanting to spend the rest of his life with you.  No sooner than you're dropping the draws, he's dropping you off, never to be heard from again.  Meanwhile, your calling your phone company trying to see if a tower is down in your area because he hasn't called all week.  PSA: it's ok to hold off on sex when you have a personality!  Personality trumps, maybe not in a strip club, but definitely in a real life dating situation with a man interested in something serious.  Men don't usually wife one night standers... Possible... Just not probable!  Lure him in with your mind, then in a couple months, pull out that karma sutra move that makes his toes curl. 

But don't do this for me.  And don't simply do it for the man either.  Do it because I can always buy a new camera.  I can always pop in a new memory card.  And I keep spare batteries on deck.  But you, on the other hand, will be stuck with all your wear and tear, no chance for a tune-up and a stupid long carfax printout....

Whether I like it, you like it, or he likes it OR not, claims to love the act of sex and with multiple partners comes with consequences, a bad rep, and a label.  But hey, if you don't care... neither do I *bbm not interested face*.  But if you do care, which I imagine you do, turn in your cardboard WILL SEX 4 LOVE sign.  Quit selling yourself short.  Brush up on those good ol' personality skills.  And outsource to Great A for that occasional necessary thrill.  EYEListen.

The Relationship Experts: Men, Women, Or?

Keep it real, who are the relationship experts??

Women- who waste no time with lame-o's who aren't on their dean. Women, who couldn't care less about the bull and focuses on the strength and upbringing of her man and their relationship. The one who keeps the house in order, the kids in order and orders her man to be the best man he can be.

OR

Men- who waste no time with bum chics who aren't on their dean. Men, who couldn't care less about the bull and are the protectors and the rock for his woman and their relationship. Who keeps the finances in order, the security in order and orders his woman to be the best woman she can be.

Ha! Neither!

All credit goes to the half pints, the midgets, the apples who have fallen pretty far from the tree... The kids!

Scenario A
A kid walks into school. He sizes up the class, takes mental note of the blocks section equipped with has favorite Legos and remains quite for the right time to make his move. The teacher screams "Activity time!" and this kid makes his way to those Legos. Other kids come over and instead of checking out their kicks or making sure they got fresh cuts or neat ponytails, he's passing off a few Legos telling them how his daddy built a Lego building taller than the monkey bars. An instant best friend is found, and they have already pointed out the girl they will tease.

Scenario B
A kid is at yet another adult event with 10 feet tall people all talking too much in a dialect too convoluted to be understood. Kid scans the room and immediately locks eyes with another of her height and they do a stare down until the shy kid ducks behind mommy's legs.  The brave one tells her mom she wants to go play and runs over to the shy kid. Her mom nods and the two run over to a small corner to play ring-around-the-rosy. They discuss barbies, and tell their mommy's business while pinky promising secrecy. Instant best friends!

Scenario C
True Story: My godson and neice were both 3 years old. My neice was leaning on my lap and scurried off to go get a book. Immediately my godson seizes the opportunity to take her spot leaning on my lap. When my neice returns, here's how the convo went:
Shyla: "Move Jashan" and stands on his foot
Jashan: "Godma, Shyla is on my foot"
Me: "Shyla get off Jahan's foot... Jashan did she move?"
Jashan: "Nooooo"
I move Shyla over.
Shyla: "Jashan that's why I'm not your friend!"
Jashan: "Well I'm not your friend then!"

Jashan feels bad.

Jashan: "You want my ball?"
Shyla: "No."
Jashan: looking around "You want that book?"
Shyla: "No!"
Jashan: "Well what do you want?"
Shyla: "Leave me alone!"
Jashan: instantly annoyed whispers "You don't know what you want!"
And that was probably the beginning of a life long dispute between man and woman.  But, nonetheless, 45 seconds later Go, Diego, Go was on t.v. and the two were happy again.

Moral of the story... when man and woman argue, click on Diego and POOF, instant conflict resolution.  

j/k =)

Kids have mastered the art of embracing relationships, the art of living for the moment, the art of coloring inside, outside and all over the lines!  They live life without bounds, with mommy's permission of course, and refrain from getting caught up with whatever makes them unhappy.  They avoid the kids with cooties (adult version - those we're warned to stay away from, cuz they got what we don't want), they avoid the bullies (adult version - those who don't mean well and prey on our insecurities), those in detention (adult version - troublemakers), the dropouts (adult version - those who have given up on life).  You tell a kid who's the bad guy or girl and if it's a good kid, that kid stands clear.  Because kids watch adults argue, cry, and endure hurt... so if this good kid can avoid relationship hardships by brushing past a few nuances, they are all for it.  The only pain a kid wants to feel is the kind coming from a tickle that sucks all the air out from laughing so hard!


Women will tolerate a man without a job cuz he's cute.  Men will tolerate a woman who's a birdbrain cuz she's cute.  But cute or not, a kid can't spell tolerate, dreads the idea of job and thinks bird's brains are pretty sigificant cuz they make birds fly!  A kid just wants to be happy, and pursues just that.


Therefore, the student becomes the teacher... making kids, The Relationship Experts. 


I rest my case... EYEListen.


Disclaimer: my hunny insists that I point out the fact that I'm talking about kids and not pain in the @$$ teenagers who are old enough to know something but too young to realize they don't know anything at all.  Better Kyle? lol thx

Sincerely, EX-Side Chick Employer

I will be closing...
 As one of the largest side chick employers in essex county I must announce today that I will be closing my doors for good.  Its not a sad day for me or the industry.  Just like other businesses the recession has caused some cutbacks but overall business has thrived and I'm sure will continue in my absence. To my colleagues, I extend my best wishes. I trust you will continue to produce the best side chicks in the world. I know you will continue to enforce the rules and help your temporary employees grow and advance into other fields. I also hope we can meet again in my new field and still flourish as we did in this one. To my employees..sigh...I knew this day would come..maybe some of you didn't think so..but I just hope I have prepared you all for it. I hope that thru our dealings that you have all grown to hate being a temp.  That your time under my contract has helped you realize what you want..and what you need to become a permanent full time wife.  I truly wish you the best.  Let it be known that you also helped me grow and realize that even though I was excellent at managing a number of contracts, there was also a glass ceiling in my position as a side chick employer.  You helped me see that even with many of you that I always needed more.  That as best as I could be was a bottom fortune 500 Temp agency who trained workers for other top fortune 500 companies.  With that said me closing the book on this venture is not a sad day but just a sign of my growth.  Last but not least to my new business partner..thank you for the opportunity to build something amazing with you. Thanks for seeing the potential in me and giving me a chance even though I have little experience in this field.  I won't let you down.

Sincerely,
Professor aka the Ex side chick employer

--

To fully understand the extremity of this business closing, read Professor's last post, The Side Chick Contract.

Professor's blunt humor and candid point of view never ceases to amaze me.  He has found love, so he has retired from his previous position to take on this promotion.  Good luck cuz and congrats on the Jr to come =)

The Career Girlfriend

What's a career criminal?  Someone who has been in and out of jail so much that his career goals and aspirations must be to wear an orange jumpsuit until he can collect his pension, his 401k, social security or whatever else he must think is waiting for him at the end of his 25 to life.  (uhhh nothing loser!)

Now replace criminal with girlfriend... and you have just defined a woman who is two wedding bells short of ever becoming a wife.

In our generation, there's a lot of skepticism and cynical criticism about marriage.  People have opted for being lifelong girlfriends and boyfriends, no rings, no real title... just two people enjoying their relationship (or driving each other crazy) for as long as they both shall live.  And hey, it's your world!  If the two of you have agreed to this, no unification before God should stand in the way.  Besides, you have the Common Law giving you just about all the perks real marriage can give you anyway (darn you lawmakers).

But then there's the career girlfriend who wants to be a wife.  The girl who has been in long term relationships her whole entire life and always loses her guy (or dumps him) two months shy of him meeting the girl of his dreams who he marries 6 months later.  OR you have the girl who's been with her guy since high school, gave him the best 5 to 10 years of her life, a couple babies, the culinary skills to have auditioned for top chef, the looks to have audtioned for top model, and (shoot, I've ran out of reality shows... think, think, think) and the freakiness to have auditioned for Tela and Tequila!!  (Give me a break, I don't watch tv!).  Yet she has no ring to show for her years of hard labor.  Not even a promise to be married by date XX.  You don't even have cable for fear of you DVRing all the wedding shows to throw in his face oh so subtly...

So now the question I pose to you is: "How old is too old to still be a girlfriend?"

Hey, I'm not trying to put men in the hot seat (or am I) but women who want to be married and have been with their boyfriends for 5+ years, are all wondering the same thing: "Do you just expect me to be your girlfriend forever?"  If its a financial setback I totally understand.... Yeah, understand why you can't have a fairy tale wedding!  But why can't you take your girl to City Hall and make this union official.  Or go to my church! My pastor will give you a wedding in front of the congregation and he'll even fund your hotel stay for your first round of legal sex.  Yes, no sooner than the kissing of the bride, he will announce how he will be giving you 79 bucks so you can stay at the local telly!  He's such a mess lol. 

Ladies, if you have been with your man since the late 90s, you live together, you're the emergency contact on his health insurance, you know his whole starting lineup on his fantasy league team, AND you wish to be married, what the heck is the deal?  I know you're tired of holding your tongue.  So what do you do?  The last thing I would ever want you to do is give a man an ultimatum simply because I don't believe in backing a man into a corner for him to marry you.  I already told my hunny that if he plans on having children with me, it will be AFTER my last name changes... simple as that!  That way, when I feel like I've put in too many years and we're still playing "house" I will have the freedom to pick up and leave.  I guess if you have already started having children with your guy, he's really not pressed to put a ring on it because in his head he's saying, "Let's be real... where do you think you're going with Junior?"

In a man's defense, there has been so much negaitivty surrounding the idea of marriage.  Can you really blame a man for dodging the matrimony bullet?  The idea of being locked down for the rest of your life, of having to answer to someone who thinks she's your mother, of having to wear a ball and chain around your ring finger turning away just about every hottie who failed to reveal herself before you jumped the broom sounds like sheer baffonery to any sane man.  Because we all know that men think they are going to miss something if they make that type of commitment.  As if Halle Berry will show up the day after he ties the knot and says, "Damn baby, I was off by one day."  Get a grip!

My advice to the career girlfriends without kids, KNOW YOUR WORTH... and I mean your true worth.  Don't just say your the ideal wife and you still can't boil water and you're still using the excuse that you're allergic to bathroom cleaner and every year you need a new wardrobe because you just can't give up the twinkies.  You have some improvements to make before you go demanding a ring!  But if you're truly wifey material and you're guy hasn't even mentioned the idea of marriage after maddd years of cleaning his dirty drawers, it may be time to cut those ties loose and move on.  At least long enough for him to realize he was tripping for not liking it and putting a ring on it like Beyonce said.  Or maybe the two of you really aren't meant to be and the time apart will reveal just that.
And for the career girlfriends with babies to feed... sorry, I got nothing for ya!  I will not advise taking that man from a home with his kids.  But you really need to figure out if marriage means that much to you... enough to ruin a happy (or even semi-happy) home.  Shoot me a comment and I'll forward you that Common Law paper work.  EYEListen.

SB: NEVER settle or sell yourself short... fellas or ladies.  Every decision you make should be done whole-heartedly because of what you value, what you believe in and what makes you happiest.  Ladies, marriage is not about fairy tale love or fairy tale weddings, its about spending the rest of your life commiting and sacrificing for the one you love.  Fellas, who else is gonna love you when that full head of hear wanes down to fuzz, you better marry her while you still got sex appeal!

Just a reminder!

Knowing the Person You're Dating

How well do you know your hunny??

They say good communication, stability, loyalty yadda yadda yadda will help sustain a healthy relationship... I say... KNOW YOUR HUNNY!

There's nothing worst than a guy getting a birthday gift from his main squeeze and inside the box are a pair of shiny AX jeans or two scarves when his birthday is in summer.

There's nothing worst than a girl getting a $50 giftcard... and not even one from her favorite store... but instead, a generic mall certificate or even worst, a visa giftcard.

Is it so hard to pay attention to the small things?  To take note of the subtleties, the hints, the unspoken obvious.  That's what a relationship is all about.  The daily discovery of the person you conveniently spend all your time with.  The finding out that he likes seafood or hates dressing up or would prefer football over basketball any day.  Or that she couldn't care less about makeup or designer bags but her shoe fetish is bananas or that she loves Maxwell or going on weekend getaways.  How do you fall in love with someone without knowing and understanding what your falling in love with??  Moreover, how do you last in a relationship when you feel like your silent requests are being overlooked or ignored?? 

Ahhh wellllll *shrugs*

I love my hunny and even though I give him a hard time and everyday I manage to find something new to complain about, he knows that I know, without him having to verbally iterate, what makes him tick...

Here's what I've learned...

Do not touch the PS3
I will never cook like his mother, so don't bother
He's a sucker for a pretty face and a big butt
He's a visual eater so anything that looks pink, it's not done... even if its ham lol
He loves haagen daaz vanilla ice cream, lime tortilla chips and chessman cookies
Banksy is his favorite graffiti artist and he loves weird art
Dates to remember, Jordan's bday, MVC3 release date and when football season begins
He wears torn jeans and plaid shirts... but not any plaid, the squares can't be too big or too small
Rap music was God's way off showing off people's real talent... so he loves rap, listening and writing
Braves are his fav baseball team, Bills his fav football team and Bulls his fav basketball team (don't judge him lol)
Romance isn't his thing but he's one heck of a gift giver
He hates food with that rubbery texture, i.e. shrimp and boiled eggs
Mike's Hard Lemonade is as hard (he'd say pause here) as he'll go
He loves me <3

Knowing your hunny really just makes the relationship easier and more enjoyable.  If you know he forgets to call when he's hanging with his buds or that she yells when she's adamant and it's not to be demeaning, you'll realize it's a minor flaw and not negative intent.  You'll realize which battles to pick and choose.  You'll realize that all that's needed is understanding... (remember Escape... what I need from you is understanding... so simple as 1-2-3... and now Kandi was on some silly reality show and Tiny got wayyy too much botox in her lips. SMH)

Bottom line...

Because you know what you're getting into, you show up to a baby shower with diapers and bottles... you show up to a bachelorette party with handcuffs and warming lotion... and unless you want to show up to court with pictures of the broken glass and his or her name scratched into your car... KNOW YOUR HUNNY!  EYEListen.

SB: No one's intent should be to change the person you're dating... but if it's been years and your babe hasn't even molded in accordance with how you are, i.e., avoided saying certain things that set you off, hasn't obliged to your "at least call if your going to be late" or still can't get you that simple gift that says "I'm paying attention baby"... maybe it's time to give someone else a shot.   ;-)

Looks-Good-On-Paper Kind of Love

Baby I need that look good on paper kind of love.

The kind where ya resume is all you need to get this job. Where ya degree, your job experience and ya extra curricular activities are what I’m skimming for WITH references furnished upon request.

It’s looking even better if you have a 720 on ya math and verbal… and ya credit score!!

House… check… luxury car… check… oh wait, and your father invented the scooter??

Baby you are just what I’m looking for.

I love God… and you have TWO churches on your block, this MUST be fate.

Who knew I would find a man that plays basketball during the same year I start watching the NBA playoffs??

You eat vegetables, I love to garden. I love to travel, you collect model airplanes. You were meant for me!!

My mama saw your pic and she didn’t think you were the cutest, but after I ran down your credentials, she was sold. My auntie too. My uncles were hating because they think I can do better… but what’s better than a man with no kids! You got a 401k with no baby mama drama, baby, you’re a gold mine!

The stars even agreed. Geminis and aries are a match made in heaven.

I’m a Delta, you’re a Que… we call that Coleman Love.

I heard you like mini skirts, boo, I was a cheerleader!!

We even have the SAME initials… now I don’t believe in coincidence… so this gotta be love!! Yup… love… hmph, up until the honeymoon phase... fades…. Out… and SCENE!

Two years in, and now I can’t stand ya @$$... Were you always a jerk... did I miss something?? *BBM confused face*

This goes out to all the people who are/were in a relationship because it looked good on paper. And to all your friends/family who encouraged the relationship by saying “Girl, you don’t know what you got… I wish I could find a man with a job.”  Or, "Oh she cooks, you got yourself a winner!"  If in a pool of men, the best quality offered is a job and no kids, you need to swim to another pool.  Or if in a pool of women, her best offer is a meal, get your back stroke on!  Is anyone standing up for their standards, or simply standing on top of them (ground level)? When did we lose faith in that REAL love… (Tell em Mary J!) Not the kind of love that only happens to develop cuz you put up with a man or woman for mad years. Not the loyalty kind of love where you’re with your girl only because she was down for you when times were hard back when no one was there. Not the kind where you’re only together for the kids, or the house, or the two for one special at Fridays.

I don’t believe in that fairy tale kind of love… but I do believe in the love that puts a smile on my face when he walks in the door and a smile on his face when he sees my smile. The kind of love where the season premier for  uhhh I dunno (I don't watch TV lol)... for Entourage comes on TV and we both get excited. The kind of love where you do dishes not because I want you to do dishes but because you WANT to do dishes (c’mon who saw The Breakup with Jen Aniston and Vince Vaughn). Where everyday is a new adventure, where we’re working toward the same goal, in a world where things aren’t always all good… until I hear your voice. That’s the love I want…

No more arguing over a tattoo you told me not to get. Or beefing about you not calling me from another phone when yours went dead hours ago. No more compromising cuz you want to go right and I want to go left. Compromising is a resolution, not a daily chore. Opposites only attract when the two extremes are complementary. Not when we’re so completely different that I’m only interested in asking about your world and not really interested in being a part of it.  Show up at my house one day and let's randomly ride out to the City (NYC)... or I'll go get some Vanilla Haagen Daaz and we can sit on your porch.  Not everyday... but often enough that we learn each other, for real...

Is that too much to ask?

All at once now… Strike a match to that looks-good-on-paper kind of love… EYEListen.

*SB: now if he has a job, no kids, you have the same interests and he's hella fun to be around... you've got yourself a winner!  Does he have a brother ;-p

You Never See it Coming, You Just Get to See it Go

Unless you're Oprah or Bill Gates (both of whom frequent my blog... In my head)...  most of the toughest decisions you will ever have to make will involve that magical emotion: LOVE.  Whether its love for a craft, a place, or that special someone, you will need to decide if its best if you stick with it or if you should let it go. Letting go is the most difficult of the two but if you delay it, it will only get tougher.

Last week I was laid off from my job. Hold the sympathy and the "it will be okays" because next to having my leg broken, that's the single most important thing that has happened to me on this road toward rediscovering/reinventing myself. Sounds weird, I know.  But when I broke my leg.... It slowed my busy @$$ down and let me smell roses that had been sitting beneath me for years.  Then once I had a plan in motion, I knew the next important step would be for me to quit my job.  Needless to say, God heard my cries and on the 4th day returning to work from disability, they laid my butt smooth off.  So now I can collect a li'l severance, go back to school and not be pressed looking for a job in the meantime.  A few people closest to me couldn't really understand my drive and they have found it hard to be happy for me and to them I say: I'm the winner see my prize. You're the loser who sits and cries. LOL.

Since last Thursday, I've gained a super hero strength!!  I felt like that move has sparked or better yet, has surged a power in me to decide what I need to stand clear of, what I need to separate myself from and what I need to keep the ball rolling with.  Not everyone or everything will make the cut. And it will be hard to say goodbye... But dammit, GOODBYE!  I'm no longer hanging on to relationships that are no good for me.  I'm no longer living in situations where I can't find longevity. I'm no longer LOOKING for anything!!  Have you ever driven down an unfamiliar road in search of a gas station, searching and searching when your not even sure if one will be found. Well I'm off that road!!  I'm on Route 22 (google it you people far, far away) and not only is there a dozen gas stations, there's restaurants, entertainment stores, a supermarket and every other pointless to absolute necessary business manufacturing your every desire!!

Don't get me wrong, I'm making it sound easy when I know moving on is a very tough decision to make.  But that's only because we ALL fear something new or starting over or taking risks.  No one wants to leave security, that all too familiar comfort zone, and what you've invested so much time in.  But keep it real, are you really enjoying it?  Not just happy... Because happy is circumstantial and has no longevity.  I'm taking about REAL joy. So even when you're mad or hurt or upset, you know that there's nowhere else in the world you would rather be.  Anyone or anything may be able to put a smile on your face, but who or what will keep that smile up there??  Ok this is getting cheesy lol. Bottom line, drop the excess in order to make progress (man that was smooth, and right off the top).

He never reads my blogs, but in case he sees this... Know that I love you with all my heart, now and forever more. Thank you for it all.

And for the one who does read it, don't cheat yourself. Have no regrets. Do what you love and love what you do. I'll miss ya!! Oh and keep that tat clean and moisturized daily =)


A liberating experience for the both of us... The value of love, peace and friendship...

"Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they are meant to be there; they serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or help you figure out who you are." 



SB: If a situation is looking like something you've done before and the outcome was no bueno, do yourself a favor and retreat. I did. And I feel like a wiser, stronger woman. Remember, fool me once...

Do Ugly People Dump?

Do Ugly People Dump??

Whoooooaaaaa, where do I come off even using that word when I was raised by the Stick and Stones Manual!! I could have used unattractive, less beautiful, “nice personality”, but none of them have quite the same emphasis as UGLY. So with hopes of offending no one, I pose my question again, do ugly people dump??

In a relationship, there’s always one who loves more, one who works harder at the relationship, or one who is considered to be the less attractive of the two. This person who has the lower hand on things will try to over compensate for what they lack. They may do nicer things, make themselves more available, be extra supportive, more understanding… but when you’re a 5 dating a 10, one thing is almost certain, Mr or Ms 5 is NOT going to dump you. Or will they?

NO Way:
Ugly people are grateful for the charitable gift of love.
Seal wouldn’t dare ditch Heidi Klum
5’s become at least a 7 with a 10 on their arm... without that 10, they're back to the same ol' 5
Jay-Z will NEVER get another Beyonce
They are just trying to get in where they fit in...

Probably so:
Ugly people start to believe they must not be that bad looking
Ray J would have never gotten a show without Kim Kardashian
5’s become more marketable after having a 10 on their track record
Nick Cannon dumped Christina Milian and finagled his way into holy matrimony with Mariah Carey
They are just trying to get in where they fit in...

So my question still remains. Do ugly people dump? Do they? *shrugs*

May I Have Some Sex, Please

Have we lost our couth?

The once allusive topic SEX has become as commonly discussed as the weather, the Lakers and Obama combined. Censors have been snatched from tv, the radio, waiting rooms, trains, hotel lobbies, playgrounds, church... everywhere! It just rolls off the tongue and no one is flinching. WTH is happening? Is sex so mainstream that we no longer flutter at its mentioning but instead stare boldly as it’s discussed? Furthermore, does this explain why sex is being demanded/requested as casually as the Grey Poupon commercials, as sly as Martin in Bad Boys asking the "neighbors" for a cup of sugar, as adamantly as the man at motor vehicles demanding my license, registration and insurance just minutes before he failed me? (Ok the last one was a reach but damn it sucks failing inspection… totally another topic that will be addressed in a later post, you bet ya bottom dollar… hmmph). I want to know, who could be so arrogant to treat sex as an inheritance… Like the game we played as kids when you snatched someone’s chips and yelled “I Deserve”.  And the only one word response I could arrive at, is… MEN. Ok shoot me, I’m being sexist, yet again. But who cares, build a bridge and get over it fellas. For kicks, in fine print at the end of this post, I’ll say something negative about women to balance it all out… deal?

Yesterday, a guy of my past sent me a message saying, “I need you to remind me of something…” (guy of my past, if you’re reading this, no hard feelings… I’m just tryna advance my quotes, I aint makin you the butt of my jokes). And at first I was pretty unsuspecting of what he meant until he followed up with, “You know what I’m talking about, Jariah.” Pretty wild, I know. But he’s not alone. So many guys think it’s just that easy. No build up… just slide you that little piece of paper saying, “Can we have sex… Circle Yes or No”.

Which leads me to: Horrible Ways to Request/Demand Sex:

I need you to remind me of something…
Can we have sex… Cirlce Yes or No?
Girl, I've been in a drought… can you help me out (no intention to be lyrical lol)
Its 2am, I know you ain't over here to play Yahtzee!?!?
If I pay for this date, what you gonna give me?
You know how many other chics I could be with right now, now show some appreciation. (OK only a pimp could get away with this one)
Baby I won’t think no less of you if you tell me you’re down for a one night stand.
Would you say the chance of me getting some is a Weak -1, a Possible – 5, or a Strong – 10?
This could be a lot more fun if I know sex is a sure shot.
“He” thinks you don’t like him.

Let's get it together fellas.  Learn some finesse and your chances alone will increase 10-fold.
Takeaways: Sex is not earned with redeemable coupons. Sex is not an inheritance. Sex should be spontaneous. Organic is orgasmic. EYEListen.

Fine Print: IF YOU LADIES STOP THROWING YOUR GOODS AT THESE MEN FREELY, MEN MIGHT WANT TO INVEST IN YOUR STOCK INSTEAD OF HAVING THIER HANDS OUT BEGGING! Terms of the deal: MET.

Definition of a Good Man

**Special Guest Writer: Ronnie on WillEYEListen**
Presenting:

Definition of a Good Man

What is a good man? Many women have yet to define this or experience this. I’m tired of hearing the saying, “all the good ones are taken”. This is far from true. I believe a good man is one who is always true to his woman; never steps out on her, always provide for her and keep her safe from harm. Women define good men as those who are able to provide for them financially. But they fail to realize that financial stability is not the only quality you should look for when you are looking for a good man. Not to down play that quality but that is one of the major reasons why women are oppressed now. The men that they are with are their meal ticket and the woman feels as if as long as he provides for her she is satisfied. But this situation is far from good and the man is not a good one because not only is he providing, he’s cheating, in the streets and who knows what else.

A good man will never take advantage of his woman or the love that she has for him. He’ll always respect her and value all that she’s worth. Until a man can show complete dedication and unconditional love for a woman he is far from the ultimate package. There are key components to holding the title “good man” and to acquire them it takes time and wisdom. Cheaters, liars, manipulators, womanizers, moochers, abusers and users will never obtain that title and are far from good men. Sadly, women end up with this type of man 85% of the time and are left feeling down and out.

Then there are times when a woman has a good man and doesn’t even know it. The man can be loyal, faithful and dependable; yet the woman still complains about not having a good man by her side. The man who does what he is supposed to randomly reaps the appreciation and benefits. Yet, the low life that cheats and lies gets all the praise. Those men that deserve the praise rarely, if ever, receive it. The men who stand tall by their woman and treats them right are taken for granted, until it’s too late. Women, as well as men, never really know a good thing until it’s gone.

A good man can be defined as many things. For the men, if you feel as though you are a good man then continue to do what you have been doing to earn that title. But don’t think because you have a job and nice cars then you’re automatically a good man. It takes hard work and dedication to become and remain a good man.

PEACE- Ronnie

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Meet the author: Ronika Bridges

Ronika Bridges aka Ronnie is an inspiring writer with a BA in English and Philosophy from William Paterson University. Her hobbies are reading, writing, working out and shopping....

Special thanks to you gurrlllll!!

Cohabitation is One Hell of a Drug

Cohabitation is one hell of a drug, a gateway drug to be exact. It exposes you to the addictions to checking phones, storming out the house when angry and cutting up clothes (I'm one for three, care to guess which one lol). So why do we indulge in these cold sweats, twitching and OD'ing??


Convenience: Bad idea! If this is an attempt to save money, shorten a commute or to escape your mom breathing down ya back… rethink and abort. You are in a hasty mind frame and any option is looking like the only option. Ever try jumping into a double dutch rope and got slapped in the face with what wasn’t quite a jumprope but a wired phone cord. Ouch!! Yes, just wait until the time is right.

SHE thinks it’s best for the relationship: Ladies, I have to take a shot at y’all. Often times, women insist on living with her boo for her own selfish reasons. Mainly, so she can keep a close eye on him. Baby girl, you did hear about Tiger right? If you have the mentality that a man needs to be "watched" you’re not ready for this huge step in domestication. Girl you’re not even ready for the relationship. Get the Barbies out the closet and let's take maturity in smaller increments.

But we're in love:  Ha! You hear it all the time: you only really learn a person after living with them. So Tina, what’s love got to do with it. Let’s save that love crap for the fairy tales. You love ya best friend but after a weekend getaway y’all not even so much as fb friends anymore. Be wise about the mate you choose and conscious of their living style. It proves detrimental without careful analysis. Ur love may only be so strong cuz you haven’t faced the frustrations of interdependence and coexistence under a single roof. Be mindful.

Relationships plunge the instance you two share an address. Don't believe me, statistics show that a large percent of marriages fail if you live together before jumping the broom. And just over 50 percent of first cohabiting couples ever get married. Men lie, women lie but myself and numbers, don't lol. =)

Ok ok, I'm being a tough ass, I know. But don't get me wrong, cohabitation can be a beautiful thing for two ready, not seemingly ready, people. Many discussions are in order. List out some dos and don’ts, just to get an idea where each or your heads are. Of course you can't script a living situation. But at least have an idea of what you’re signing up for. So when she starts tripping about you wearing your jeans in the bed (guilty) or he starts barking about hair on the bathroom floor, at least you were warned!!

SB: both names should be on the lease/deed and bills. Don't need somebody flaking on the expenses after a big argument. EYEListen.

4 Day Countdown to V-Day: Guys Need Love Too

It's February 10, 2010 (just pretend)
The prequel: 5 Day Countdown to V-Day: Love it of Hate it

The countdown is on... 4 days to Valentine's Day and I know the fellas can't wait.  Can't wait to rebel, to pretend like the 15th follows the 13th, to completely damn the very existence of cupid, himself.  But can you blame them?  Guys were born to hate obligations and V-Day is the biggest "relationship obligation" to do some crap he just doesn't feel like doing.  It's not like he doesn't love his girl or that he doesn't want to make his girl happy.  He's simply not celebrating Valentine's Day because...

He gets crappy gifts: Guys get gifts ranging from crappy to nonexistent.  No dude wants boxers with hearts, not even a stuffed bear wearing boxers with hearts and most certainly not cards adorned with a stuffed bear wearing boxers with hearts.  Just scrap the idea of getting him a gift bearing any lovey-dovey paraphernalia.
What he wants: some sexual healing, a video game, a pair of kicks, a steak AND some more sexual healing... and in that order.

Girls are never satisfied:  If he gets her a card, she wants the roses and the candy.  If he takes her to eat, where's the violinist like in the movies.  If he gets her a Tiffany's necklace, she's digging in the bag looking for the bracelet.  He can't win!  So if he gets her nothing, she can't expect too much more.

He couldn't care less about her bragging rights: What's the first thing a girl does when her man does something nice? She broadcasts it on fb, bbm, twitter, in the signature of her text messages or all of the above.  She can't wait to tell the world that she has the best man in the world only to kick his back in the next week when he forgets to put the toilet seat down or when he comes home drunk smelling like perfume.

One day out of 365 means nothing: Guys feel like they love their girls every single day.  So why does he have to "love on steroids" on this one particular day?  He'd rather embrace the defiance and take her out somewhere nice a week before or even after V-Day... or not at all and that'll show V-Day who's boss.  BF-1: GF-zero

To hell with commercialism: Guys are not in the business of making Hallmark, Build-A-Bear or Godiva rich.  This is not Black Friday and he is not helping the economy out of the red.  Pretty clever trick but guys are not falling for it.

Whether Christian or atheist, it's against his religion:  Nuff said. 

There are tons more reasons why guys despise Valentine's Day and ladies, we can't knock them for it.  It's just not a holiday in their favor.  So it's up to us to change up the momentum.  Maybe you can strike a deal with him... buy him something really nice like a week before V-Day and as long as he's not a jerk, he'll want to return the favor.  Or take him on a weekend getaway, shower him with gifts and grub or make it a special day for him.  We can't always sit back waiting for something special to just happen.  Valentine's Day is a celebration of love, not a celebration of girlfriends.  Guys need love too.

5 Day Countdown to V-Day: Love it or Hate it

The countdown is on... 5 days to the biggest day of a couple's life, next to marriage and the birth of their children of course.  But you singles, don't feel left out, I'll have some stuff for you too.  So to kick this off...

St. Valentine.. thiiiissssss isssssss your life:

"Let me introduce myself. My name is Valentine. I lived in Rome during the third century. That was long, long ago! At that time, Rome was ruled by an emperor named Claudius. I didn't like Emperor Claudius, and I wasn't the only one! A lot of people shared my feelings.

Claudius wanted to have a big army. He expected men to volunteer to join. Many men just did not want to fight in wars. They did not want to leave their wives and families. As you might have guessed, not many men signed up. This made Claudius furious. So what happened? He had a crazy idea. He thought that if men were not married, they would not mind joining the army. So Claudius decided not to allow any more marriages. Young people thought his new law was cruel. I thought it was preposterous! I certainly wasn't going to support that law!

Did I mention that I was a priest? One of my favourite activities was to marry couples. Even after Emperor Claudius passed his law, I kept on performing marriage ceremonies -- secretly, of course. It was really quite exciting. Imagine a small candlelit room with only the bride and groom and myself. We would whisper the words of the ceremony, listening all the while for the steps of soldiers.

One night, we did hear footsteps. It was scary! Thank goodness the couple I was marrying escaped in time. I was caught. (Not quite as light on my feet as I used to be, I guess.) I was thrown in jail and told that my punishment was death.
I tried to stay cheerful. And do you know what? Wonderful things happened. Many young people came to the jail to visit me. They threw flowers and notes up to my window. They wanted me to know that they, too, believed in love.

One of these young people was the daughter of the prison guard. Her father allowed her to visit me in the cell. Sometimes we would sit and talk for hours. She helped me to keep my spirits up. She agreed that I did the right thing by ignoring the Emperor and going ahead with the secret marriages. On the day I was to die, I left my friend a little note thanking her for her friendship and loyalty. I signed it, "Love from your Valentine."

I believe that note started the custom of exchanging love messages on Valentine's Day. It was written on the day I died, February 14, 269 A.D. Now, every year on this day, people remember. But most importantly, they think about love and friendship. And when they think of Emperor Claudius, they remember how he tried to stand in the way of love, and they laugh -- because they know that love can't be beaten!"

There are a bunch of renditions of this story but this one was close enough to my idea of what Valentine's Day represents.  Not the superficial boost in the economy to buy a bunch of red and pink crap.  It's a true reflection of love and since I believe in love, I celebrate it.  My boo does too!!  As he should since I gave him an iPod Touch last v-day, the Kobe's this v-day (don't tell him) and our first year dating, the gift was kinda cheesy but that's only cause we were brand new to each other (can't be investing in a honey that soon lol).  So take THAT all you dudes who feel cheated in the gift giving area!!  But aside from the gift exchange, we share the same love on Feb 14th that we share everyday, whether arguing or love making. 

I love LOVE =)

Let Me Be Your Suga Mama

 

The days of hubby bringing home the bacon are fading to black as wives increasingly are becoming the bread winners of the household.  Jay-Z himself can attest to the fact that B brought home $87 Mill of their collective $122 Mill made between June 2008 and June 2009.  With this increase, men are the ones reaping economic benifits from tying the knot.  I can't tell you how many times my co-pilot in this thing called relationship has told me he has no problem letting me be his Suga Mama.

"Survey Says Men Marrying Up" Highlights:

• Gender role reversal due to greater education and rising income of women (Yup, she's the head of the household and hubby wears the apron)
• In 1970 4% of wives brought home more cheddar.  That rose to 22% by 2007
• In 2007, 28% of wives are more educated than their husbands.  In 53% of marriages, both husband and wife are equally educated (They probably met in freshman orientation, or at some frat party, and just hit it off).
• Unemployment has hit men much harder and in 2008 men accounted for 75% of the decline in employment.  But on the bright side, women are making up half of the workforce.  (Part of their evil plan to take over the world... bruh-hahahahahaha)
• There's a marked decline in married adults because of the rising rate in divorce (Duh!!  But they definitely made this a point in the video lol)
• January is the most popular month for divorce because the credit card bill was sky high from Christmas and the wife, since she makes more, said I ain't paying this $h!t just because I'm BALLLLLLLINNN'. Ok the video didn't say that was quite the reason why (just my 2 cents). The video says it's because the family didn't want to ruin Christmas with discussion of divorce AND what better way to start a new year than with an untying of the knot.

SB (Sponsored by Beyonce): Don't gimme no lip, let mama do it all!!

10 Dating Dealbreakers for Guys and Gals

I read an article about dating dealbreakers on cnn.com that I found to be absolutely hilarious… That sparked the creation of my own dating dealbreakers list for both guys and gals.

There’s a type of man or woman for every type of relationship you may want to get engage in. You may be looking for a one night stand; or maybe you’re just looking for a friend. But if you’re at a point in life where you’re looking to have your last first date, the last first kiss, and the last time falling in love… here are a few dealbreakers to keep you on track and off the date disaster highway.

We Were in the Kitchen When You Burned Me

Nope, I'm not talking about arson either. Whether the kitchen, the bedroom, the car or depending on how far ya imagination can travel, any random space room enough for a 2 minute quickie… if it resulted in someone burning you, how do you handle it??  I heard on some commercial that 50% of those engaging in sex before 25 (15 to 24 according to them) will contract an STD. And I'm proud to say I'm 25 and on the smiley side end of that statistic. But what about that miserable 50 percent? How exactly do they handle this situation??

No Boo for the Holidays... Good for you!

Everyone knows the winter time is the time to get boo'd up, to find someone to keep you warm for those cold, snowy nights. To call the boys up and say, "Nah, I'm good on drinks tonight, shorty comin ova." To tell ya girls ya boopy is outside shoveling out ya car. Yet you look to ya left... And then to ya right... No one. Last year you had a hunny and the year before you had a few. But this year's summer time flings all came up as void as the degrees started dropping with the autumn leaves. Now here it is xmas, the most wonderful time of the year, and you don't have as much as a late night shorty or even a text message boopy. But let's not drown in the sorrows of the single slump. Instead, pour yaself a tall glass of Turkey Hill Eggnog, spiked with some rum, of course, and toast to a Happy Holiday. 


And here's a few reasons why.

1. Buying presents for that special someone falls heavily on those pockets. And you just slid by this holiday without a dent in the credit card bill. Bravo!

2. No sitting up in the faces of ya shorty's or boopy's family as they open half ass gifts they could have done without. Boring!


3. A brand new year is approaching and you won't be carrying any baggage from some mixed emotional relationship. Fresh start for the fresh TwentyTen!

4. New Year's resolution: Zoom In! Get to know what makes you click and let these hunnies work hard to capture that.  So no more trying to fit into their picture.5. You can stop going crazy!! Stop doing the same things and expecting different results. If you like a pretty face, look for girls that make you laugh instead. If you've been after the flyyest dude, keep a look out for the guy who enjoys just being in your presence. You're free from redundancy. Feel the power!

My close homegirl and some other friends of mine are all sulking and riffing because they wish they had a snuggle bunny for the holiday season and throughout these winter months.  But to hell with that greener grass on the other side.  It's artificial and store bought. You are ending this year and starting a new one headache free, you lucky sons of guns!!

SB: 'Tis the season to stop beasting... Fa-la-la-la-laaaaa. EYEListen.

The Side Chic Contract

First and foremost, ladies you need to determine if you are the main chic or are you the side chic. It’s not hard to determine on your own. Females need a lot of attention as you know. A perfect man with responsibilities only has time to give his main chic 75% of the attention she needs. So if you only getting somewhere between 10 and 15 percent... you are the side chic. Now, being the side chic, you sign an invisible contract which is like any other contract. It’s binding and has terms mutually agreed upon by both parties. These terms insure both parties are satisfied and business runs smoothly.

First is Communication...

This is a very important part of our contract. As the side chic most of our communication will be done face to face. We need not have a paper trail that the main chic can follow... So, if you call or text before 9pm and I don’t answer... don’t call back. There can be no calls or texts after 9pm unless it’s from said male to said side chic. So this means no late night tickle talking aka boo loving and absolutely no picture messages. I will not add you to my facebook, not even my myspace.

Second is our time...

Now being that I only have 10-15 percent of attention to spare, we will only have four meetings within a two week span. These meetings will be great, though. They will be at your place so you won’t have to travel. We will order-in from the best delivery spots... only the best. And of course we would go out...to far places where nobody knows us... But that would count as two meetings. Major holidays are designated for the main chic but your birthday and the day before Valentine’s Day are yours.

Last is your Growth...

Surprising right...but yes, your growth is part of the contract. Being a side chic has a glass ceiling. You can never go from my side chic to my main chic. This contract clearly states that. If you want more communication, more time, a holiday, or even an add to facebook, you want more than what this contract entails. If at any point you feel like this, realize that you are reaching to be a main chic and a reviewing of this contract is in order!

Just think of this contract as working for a temp agency. I’m just preparing you to land a permanent position as somebody’s main chic.... one day… just not mine.

This week’s homework question: What is the difference between the main chic and the only chic?

Class dismissed...

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Meet the author: Pro Fessor

The Pro Fessor is 25... Single as of today.  He writes occasionally and has thoughts on everything... A workaholic to say the least.
He was in love once... and still loves her

I love you cuz, thanks for your 2 cents!!