Snitches Get Stitches: Should the side chic tattle?

So now that I’ve been on both sides of a "him, her and her" situation. I want to pose a few questions. Why tell his girl? What are your intentions?  Do you want him to dump her for you? Do you really think he’ll want you over his girl? Are you so bitter that even though you don’t want him, you don’t want him to be happy either?  Or should the side chic play her position and remain the silent ride or die chic?  I am honestly torn.


Perhaps society has had an unhealthy influence on our development that we honestly believe snitches should get stitches regardless of the situation. If your best friend was a victim of a hit and run, you would want the witnesses to come forward. If someone stole your wallet out of your gym locker, you would want someone to fess up. So why have the truth compromised because of some gangsta code, nursery rhyme?  If a side chic becomes loose at the gums, go with one, two or all three "B's".   

Be objective: What if we look at the side chic as a victim as well? She fell for a guy who told her either he was single or that his relationship was on the rocks. She finds out in the long run that she was suckered and her feelings are legitimately hurt. So out of anger she rats in an attempt to rectify a messed up situation and to expose the jerk that has caused this turmoil. She has some truth that needs to be revealed. This man’s girl needs to know about the man that she loves who has selfishly enjoyed the loving of another girl.

Be hurt: The side chic reveals all the chilling details of a cheating man leaving the gf hurt and confused.  Angrily, the girlfriend starts creating all these theories to rationalize why the side chic has come forth. She thinks the side chic is so brutally honest because she probably expects the gf to dump him, leaving him wounded and vulnerable for her to be his crutch back to health; she's probably the one who initiated the affair because she saw a good thing and didn’t care that he had a girl; or maybe she think she deserves him more because she figures she must have what he needs, otherwise, he wouldn’t have cheated in the first place.  So she seizes the opportunity to reach out seeming like a concerned sista looking out for another sista.  Just curse them both the hell out!!

Be grateful: The truth is out. And the only truth you’re going to get from her is what that man did wrong. You will never really know her thought process nor can you decipher her intentions. She has given you a truth about your bf that only she can provide. You are the appointed trial and the judge to determine if the circumstantial evidence is enough to cause a break up or to be considered just a hurdle in the relationship.

Aight well I did my due diligence in trying to analyze the situation. But the only "B" I find to be conclusive is... that B*TCH is probably a hater… (Hey, I’m human) EYEListen.

There are no cameras, who are you posing for??

Imitation is considered to be a form of flattery. Yeah… when you’re on the receiving end. If you’re doing the imitating, you’re looking like a sucka. Now don’t get me wrong, if you’re 12 and you look up to your big brother, get ya imitating on. Or even if you’re a young chap moving into adulthood and there’s a suave gentleman you want to learn your mack from, get ya imitating on. But if you’re a grown ass man and you feel the need to imitate rappers, ballers, or pimps, c’mon homeboy, you’re killing me. Now let me get my list out.

Ahem! Number 1. You all are NOT, I repeat NOT Lil Wayne. When he said, “Lil mama got a swag like mine, she even wear her hair down her back like mine…” uhhh he was talking about a girl. You all act like that was your cue to wear extra skinnies so uncomfortably fitted below the buttocks. To flock to the malls and buy ALL the plaid shirts and the scarves; to wear them EXACTLY how Wayne does. And then you all tie your locks back very loosely so that a few of them fall out of place, just like the Kid. I mean really, did you google his style, copy and then paste?

Quarter Life Crisis

Everyone is all too familiar with the quarter life crisis. It’s the scramble to figure out who you are, what you are doing and what the hell is next. Perhaps you finished college a few years ago, you’ve been working for a year or two, or maybe three, and the lease on your apartment is almost up. Now you're trying to make the grown up decisions on whether or not to start house hunting, can you afford a new car payment and you’re budgeting for payments on your college debt. The pressure is on. But I’d be remiss if I didn’t tell you this… honey, you are making excellent strides. You need not be so hard on yourself. Begin counting your blessings; weigh the extreme necessities against the materialism of life. Here’s an activity for you to bring things into perspective: grab a pen and pad and write down your biggest accomplishments of the last 5 years. Write down everything you believe is worthy of recognition. And in case your an overachiever, have a close friend sit with you who will remember to throw in the times you sat with your sick grandmother at the hospital, when you gave your last to help your mom pay a bill, when you took your nephew to his first basketball game. Achievements aren't always material, they're reflections of character too.

Speaking His Language

5 things to say to your man to get him to do what you want but saying it in such a way that he just might comply.

1. What you want him to do: Workout
What you want to say: Ya body can’t compete with ya boy’s. You need to get it together.
What you should say: Babe, you didn’t want to work out with your boys today? It sucks that they left you behind.

Reality behind the situation: Obviously no man wants to be told what to do cuz that’s where the resentment kicks in, especially when it comes to his appearance. But make it seem like a competition and his boys are ahead of the game, he'll immediately switch into high gear just to keep up.
Might not work: Now if your boo is just plain lazy, a donut hanging from a fishing rod in front of a treadmill wont get that man running.

Ladies who buy thier own drinks, and HIS too

Can I buy you a drink? Then maybe I can take you home with me…


I'd be rich if I could get back all the money I've spent buying guys drinks... an exaggeration of course but I could at least buy a pair of shoes wit that money spent! Bottom line, I know how to be the aggressor. I know how to walk into a club, before 11 (where most clubs are free... leaving more money for food or drinks), sit at the bar and purchase my own drink. No scanning the bar to locate some poor sap I can lure into purchasing it for me. Funny thing, many times, a guy is so turned on by you purchasing your own drink, he might even walk over and pay the tab for you... but that’s neither here nor there, let’s focus...

The 7 Guys I Dated

Here's a list of 7 types of guys I've dated:

Turtle shell: This is the guy who let me do and say whatever I wanted to. And to avoid confrontation, though I don't like to think of myself as confrontational, he dealt with it. He had no real spark and provided no real excitement. He's like the substitute teacher that you love but don't respect.  I liked this type of guy but as all Geminis know, we get bored quickly (some call it A.D.D. lol). 

Passive guy: Similar to shy guy but he had more spunk. He usually laughed things off but he at least made it clear if something bothered him. However, he'd chuckle right after to avoid the awkward tension. He's fun because he's down for whatever. But he can't really put you on to anything new because his catch phrase is "Well what do u wanna do, where do u wanna go..." Boring!!

Sex symbol: He jus wants to bone.  He's not spending on much more than a burger and a shake before he makes it clear that he has some good movies and a bottle of patron at his crib. He's so overzealous like a 12 year old boy who saw his first boob. I can imagine his sex game to be wack because anybody THAT anxious can't have more than two good strokes before he's smoking a cigarette.  The date usually ends somewhere after the shake.

Together Forever??

Relationships are willful, intentional bonding between people. We initiate them, we drive and steer them and best of all, we determine the end. They are privileges at its best. No one is born as an inheritor of one nor will we leave this place carrying one under our tongues to pay passageway to the underworld. Therefore, why be involved with someone, you simply don’t want to be with or can’t manage to survive together with. Fear she will be with someone else? Fear that he might treat a girl the way you’ve been teaching him to treat you for years? The illusive comfort zone? I would imagine my comfort zone to be a happy place where I can kick back and enjoy life. Life with a man that doesn’t treat me how I want to be treated isn’t my idea of comfortable. Years invested? Shit, a job will fire you after a decade of work if the company isn’t benefiting from your contributions. Apples to oranges?? No, think of a relationship like a job; you show up to perform and they pay you… it’s a give and take where both parties benefit. If your job stops paying, will you show up? If you stop performing, will a pink slip not gleam from your cube? Now a major difference between a job and a relationship is the fact that you have bills to pay. So before you quit, make sure you have a job lined up. Lack of a new boo shouldn’t be your excuse for not leaving the current one. Back to that illusive comfort zone, there’s that fear of loneliness. You love the fact that at the end of the day, you have a warm body to go home to and you dread the day when you get into an empty bed. If so, escape now!! Tell baby that things aren’t working out and bounce. Feeling hopeful? Think things will change… well let me give you some tell tale signs.


1. You don’t pay each other any attention until you realize someone else is

2. You’re happy until he/she walks in the room. Then you have an instant attitude.

3. A simple question is interpreted as an accusation. GF:”So you went to your boy’s house?” BF:”You always think I’m lying”

4. You’d do a favor for someone with a happy heart but let your boo ask for the same exact thing and you answer with a resentful NO!

5. Seeing them sad or hurt simply does not bother you in the least bit.

Really the list can go on and every aimless relationship has a different indication. You be the judge. You have to sacrifice a lot in a relationship when you’re having rough times. But your own happiness isn’t something to compromise. EYEListen.

Watch out for the Big Girls, Whooooooooooooo

Ladies, I have a bit of tough love to offer where health is at risk.  And I want us all to recognize that losing weight is no longer an option, it’s a necessity. Your man keeps eyeing the cute little waitress with her slim waist; You keep calling all slim chics, "skinny b*tches" who you cant stand; Some random two year old points at you in your favorite purple shirt and yells “Barney!” Enough is enough. Being a full figured woman and being overweight are NOT the same. Screaming, "Oh my baby likes em thick" while grabbing a chunk of stomach is not cute... it’s unhealthy. Being proud of who you are and how you look is not a trade off for eating what you want and not taking care of your mental and physical well being. Ever wonder why those same slim chics that you bash are jogging round the park or have a consistent workout regimen... no they are not trying to be cute... they ARE worried bout a few other "c" words: cholesterol, calories and cardiac arrest. I’m no expert, by any means, but I do take pride in keeping my weight at a moderate level (though a few more sit-ups are in order). Here are a few ideas:

I got Money in the Bank, Chea!!

Guys and gals, we are in a recession! And when I say “we”, I mean “we” on a global level. However, on a person to person basis, it doesn’t quite affect us all the same. It ranges from those reaping the benefits of houses foreclosing to those whose houses have actually been foreclosed. We have those losing their jobs, resulting in brand new entrepreneurs sprouting all over the country and then we have some losing their jobs, and as a result, losing their minds along with it. Therefore, if you've made it this far unscathed and you still have your job, please do me one favor, stack your money!!

Too often we succumb to the satisfactions of the now and disregard the financial stability of our future. You do realize your spending abilities are contingent upon that bi-weekly influx? So what happens when that influx is all "fluxed" out? Here are some tips that I apply to my own life. (Simple suggestions, if you have a more proficient methodology, by all means, do what you do)

1. Create a budget plan. If you don’t know how to use excel, pls kick yourself, it is 2009!! Go into excel and map out all your expenses. And please, please don’t let clubbing be a category. Outline your necessities: car note, mortgage/rent, cell phone bill etc. And don’t get me wrong; feel free to have a column for entertainment or leisure. But after and only after you allot a good amount to savings (pls tell me SAVINGS made the cut in your necessities list). Put away at least a good 20%, if feasible. Let me know if you need a template.