All You Need to Know is I'm Nah-da-hoe

Jay-Z: All you need to know is I'm Nah-da-hoe and to get with me, you betta be Chief Lots-of-doe...

Ever so often I hear from the self-proclaimed "not a hoe" and I listen rigorously to her claims to enthusiastically enjoy the act of sexing. She assures me that her having multiple sex partners hasn't, isn't, and will not deem her a hoe because she is grown and fully aware of the decisions she is making. And so, I remain detached. Unbiased even. Cuz keep it real, depending on who's the judge, 3 or better sex partners can be classified as a hoe and on the flip side, 50 or better may sound like a woman who knows what she likes. So I, PERSONALLY, don't want to touch on who IS and who IS NOT a hoe.  But keep in mind, ME, Just J, has no intention, no hopes, no desire on wifing you. But MAN... he's your judge and your jury.  And if you don't care what I think, please consider that man's idea of what is and is not a hoe.  After all, he has the responsibility of wifing a woman who may have had more sex partners than his whole crew.  And unless you practice: don't ask don't tell, or skeletons in the closet who remain unaccounted for, or if you've straight up lost count yourself and 8 just sounds like a perfectly reasonable body count, you may want to slow down and try NOT batting a thousand.  As trivial as it may be to you... it's something about man's territorial nature that they prefer to BELIEVE they are their woman's first, last and only... or at least the only from his block, his crew, his job, etc...

But that's neither here nor there...

My issue is this: why exactly do you have so much sex?

And not sex in quantity as much as sex partners in quantity. No judging over here, mind you. And if sex really is like a hobby, so be it!  Taking pictures is my hobby and I can shoot as many as 500 shots in a day. So no way would I put a cap on the 500 back shots you may fancy a day! But... and I say aloud BUT, I need you to realize, there is a hugeeeee gap between enjoying the act of sex and using it to find true love. So again, sex as a hobby, thumbs up, live ya life. (Protected I hope... Pls click We Were in the Kitchen When You Burned Me ). But if you have been having a truckload of sex with hopes of finding true LOVE, shoot yourself in the kneecap! Go ahead, I'll wait!

Simple analogy, if I want to get the perfect camera shot, I have to use my camera wisely. I can't take millions of shots cuz when the perfect angle, pose, frame comes along, my battery may be dead, memory card full!!  I absolutely must save space! And you, Miss Promiscuous need to save face!

So...

If it's...

SEX 4 FUN: google "hobbies" and do some soul searching... read a book, join a gym, hell, write a blog!!  And when ALL else fails, I guess, sex as a hobby it is!

Or if...

SEX 4 LOVE: understand that sex for love is wayyy worst than sex for money.  You can't even pay your car note with love!  But how do you draw the line between avoiding the whole sex for love thing when really you're just enjoying the moment?  It's simple, stop seeking the satisfaction of an isolated moment.  Everybody wants to live in a moment and capture that immediate emotion of undeniable chemistry.  But why get caught up in a joy ride that 99% of the time has an abrupt end.  Ever been on a roller coaster that DIDN'T tell you to exit left?  But women don't seem to believe the end will be abrupt.  They think a man doing something nice or opening up to you translates into him wanting to spend the rest of his life with you.  No sooner than you're dropping the draws, he's dropping you off, never to be heard from again.  Meanwhile, your calling your phone company trying to see if a tower is down in your area because he hasn't called all week.  PSA: it's ok to hold off on sex when you have a personality!  Personality trumps, maybe not in a strip club, but definitely in a real life dating situation with a man interested in something serious.  Men don't usually wife one night standers... Possible... Just not probable!  Lure him in with your mind, then in a couple months, pull out that karma sutra move that makes his toes curl. 

But don't do this for me.  And don't simply do it for the man either.  Do it because I can always buy a new camera.  I can always pop in a new memory card.  And I keep spare batteries on deck.  But you, on the other hand, will be stuck with all your wear and tear, no chance for a tune-up and a stupid long carfax printout....

Whether I like it, you like it, or he likes it OR not, claims to love the act of sex and with multiple partners comes with consequences, a bad rep, and a label.  But hey, if you don't care... neither do I *bbm not interested face*.  But if you do care, which I imagine you do, turn in your cardboard WILL SEX 4 LOVE sign.  Quit selling yourself short.  Brush up on those good ol' personality skills.  And outsource to Great A for that occasional necessary thrill.  EYEListen.

Death to the Black Sitcom

Martinnnnn... Da-da-da-da da. Martinnnnn. How y'all feelin'... Martinnnnn, You sooo crazy!!

West Philadelphia born and raised... Yo homez smell ya later, look at my kingdom I was finally there. Sit on my thrown I'm the Prince of Bel-Air.

This the best darn elevator music I ever heard...

When you're lost out there and you're all alone, somebody is waiting to carry you home...





You couldn't tear the smile off your face after watching these shows!  Watching Martin as himself, Sha-nae-nae, Jerome in the house, and even his own mother!  Then you had brother man from the 5th floor (four fingers up).  Martin calling Pam "Un-beweaveable".  And her calling him Heady Krugar.  Or do you remember when Will was trying to teach Ashley how to be tough: Back up!  Back up!  Mind ya business, that's all, just mind ya business!  Or wait, do you remember when Rudy an'-em did that song for their grandparents singing bay-baeeeeee, you know I lovvvvveeeeee youuuu.  And how Bud swore by his brother's word: Well my brother said the woman is supposed to obey the man.  And you can't forget when Urkel made that machine and hushed everyone with "Shhhhh, NOT while I'm pouring".  This stuff was CLASSIC comedy.  Like Laugh Out Loud before the LOL was even invented!  Since those days.... Death to the Black Sitcoms!

History was made when not just the black community but the other kinds too banded together to bring back the sitcom, The Game.  Its 1st episode back had something nuts like 9 mill viewers.  Or maybe it was 7.5... Whichever, this was a black sitcom making its re-debut on black entertainment television with ratings on steroids. Something we had never seen before!  Black sitcoms stand up!!  Whoop Whoop!!  And to join The Game in the field of successful black sitcoms, we have.... Uhhhh.... Ahem... My producers are shaking their heads, dumbfounded... (Cue the crickets)...

Ok, Ok, let's not front, there's: My Wife and Kids, Everybody Hates Chris, Tyler Perry is holding it down with the hilarious House of Paine and the mediocre-ly funny Meet the Browns... And yup, of your 900+ channels on direct tv, satellite, and fios... that about sums it up.  Now don't get me wrong, black people fill up a multitude of roles on "the other kinds" shows.  But where are the Black sitcoms?  Where are the black families, the not so stereotypical black humor, the MESSAGE (said in my Damon Wayans voice)?  The Cosbys were wealthy, the Banks family was wealthy, I mean Tommy didn't have a job but Martin and them did ok for themselves.  This was black people at their best! So what went wrong?

The Audience: Blame evolution, blame gas prices, blame January's snow, but there is an obvious shift in what we find funny now-a-days!  Look around, we rely on reality shows to provide that as-close-to-real-life-as-it-can-get humor that isn't really all that funny.  Pitiful, yes, hopeless, absolutely... funny, a longshot!  In your DVD case right now you have seasons of Martin episodes that you will pop in every Thanksgiving to redirect the potential "family gathering dysfunction" which results in the whole house cracking up.  I mean really, will anyone purchase season 1 of Keeping up with the Kardashians???  I mean really??

The Attempt: Ok so a prime time slot to ease in a black sitcom is after The Game.  The Game goes off and if your not already knocked out, you're likely to watch whatever comes on next, which turned out to be Let's Stay Together.  I indulge though I'm hardly impressed. It's not really funny, I can't really connect or relate to the characters, they don't even seem to have a real connection or relate to each other!  And worst of all, its a fashion show!  The girls got their hair did and they walk around in 6 inch stripper heels on every show.  It's that stereotypical black girl attitude head jerking and fingers snapping. I'm soo over it!  The women seem to be in control and the men passively follow.  Who exactly is this a reflection of... Or better yet, a role model for??

The Absence: This is optimal timing for black writers to step in and grab the reins on this galloping stallion of an opportunity.  Hell, I wish I had screenplay writing abilities!!  I'd create a show that can reflect black unity without feeding into the fried chicken and watermelon theories.  We don't need "Yo, yo's" and "Nah Means" to relate to a storyline. The girls don't need long flowing weaves and stilettos to hold our attention.  Mrs. Huxtable was a fox!  No hootchie attire needed!  If we could get a black sitcom that isn't so consumed in embracing the alleged "black culture" we would have a better time overshadowing (not quite erasing) this color barrier line.  We, black people, know who we are.  We know what we've been through.  It's time we assimilate into society and watch shows with US behaving as just people.  We don't need to name our characters Jamal or Kita in an attempt to "represent" our people.  My best girlfriend and her husband just recently named their black kids Maddison and Jaidan.  They have a house in upstate NY with a pool and 2 cats.  And they don't eat watermelon! (Ok sorry Dah, I know you don't have Nayla and Smokey anymore and that you probably DO eat watermelon, but this is just for arguments sake!). They don't live in the city or an urban area but they are a black couple living out THEIR American dream. Can a show reflect their real BLACK lives?

Death to the black sitcom until the light bulb goes off in someone's head saying: you know what, I'm going to create a show in the idea of American concepts, values, and ideas (as twisted as some of em may be)... Then I'm going to drown it in humor appealed to by the masses.  It'll encompass family, romance, a touch of drama and of course conflict resolution (gotta have that MESSAGE).  And to top it off, I'm going to give it an all black cast. Eureka!

And if the script decided to drop the 'g' from all the -ing ending words and it was given a bit of that black people swag... Just to make it a bit more relevant, I wouldn't mind that at all! ;-) EYEListen.

OTHERWISE... DEATH TO THE BLACK SITCOM!

You Never See it Coming, You Just Get to See it Go

Unless you're Oprah or Bill Gates (both of whom frequent my blog... In my head)...  most of the toughest decisions you will ever have to make will involve that magical emotion: LOVE.  Whether its love for a craft, a place, or that special someone, you will need to decide if its best if you stick with it or if you should let it go. Letting go is the most difficult of the two but if you delay it, it will only get tougher.

Last week I was laid off from my job. Hold the sympathy and the "it will be okays" because next to having my leg broken, that's the single most important thing that has happened to me on this road toward rediscovering/reinventing myself. Sounds weird, I know.  But when I broke my leg.... It slowed my busy @$$ down and let me smell roses that had been sitting beneath me for years.  Then once I had a plan in motion, I knew the next important step would be for me to quit my job.  Needless to say, God heard my cries and on the 4th day returning to work from disability, they laid my butt smooth off.  So now I can collect a li'l severance, go back to school and not be pressed looking for a job in the meantime.  A few people closest to me couldn't really understand my drive and they have found it hard to be happy for me and to them I say: I'm the winner see my prize. You're the loser who sits and cries. LOL.

Since last Thursday, I've gained a super hero strength!!  I felt like that move has sparked or better yet, has surged a power in me to decide what I need to stand clear of, what I need to separate myself from and what I need to keep the ball rolling with.  Not everyone or everything will make the cut. And it will be hard to say goodbye... But dammit, GOODBYE!  I'm no longer hanging on to relationships that are no good for me.  I'm no longer living in situations where I can't find longevity. I'm no longer LOOKING for anything!!  Have you ever driven down an unfamiliar road in search of a gas station, searching and searching when your not even sure if one will be found. Well I'm off that road!!  I'm on Route 22 (google it you people far, far away) and not only is there a dozen gas stations, there's restaurants, entertainment stores, a supermarket and every other pointless to absolute necessary business manufacturing your every desire!!

Don't get me wrong, I'm making it sound easy when I know moving on is a very tough decision to make.  But that's only because we ALL fear something new or starting over or taking risks.  No one wants to leave security, that all too familiar comfort zone, and what you've invested so much time in.  But keep it real, are you really enjoying it?  Not just happy... Because happy is circumstantial and has no longevity.  I'm taking about REAL joy. So even when you're mad or hurt or upset, you know that there's nowhere else in the world you would rather be.  Anyone or anything may be able to put a smile on your face, but who or what will keep that smile up there??  Ok this is getting cheesy lol. Bottom line, drop the excess in order to make progress (man that was smooth, and right off the top).

He never reads my blogs, but in case he sees this... Know that I love you with all my heart, now and forever more. Thank you for it all.

And for the one who does read it, don't cheat yourself. Have no regrets. Do what you love and love what you do. I'll miss ya!! Oh and keep that tat clean and moisturized daily =)


A liberating experience for the both of us... The value of love, peace and friendship...

"Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they are meant to be there; they serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or help you figure out who you are." 



SB: If a situation is looking like something you've done before and the outcome was no bueno, do yourself a favor and retreat. I did. And I feel like a wiser, stronger woman. Remember, fool me once...

EYE See Why You Love My Eyes

"Look me in my eyes... and I'll take your word"
How many times have you heard or even said these words before accepting or rejecting someone's word??  As if magically the truth will go spewing from their pupils revealing their deep, dark secrets. As if the connection of their eyes to yours forms an invisible lie detecting filter.  As if every convicted murderer breezed by the polygraph and the Bible but couldn't help breaking down at the glare of the prosecuting attorney.  But yet it's still so believable! The power of the eyes outweigh any other facial feature, bodily expression or unique flavor of personality.  It's like the binocular view to the soul...

I was driving to my train this morning ("my train" like I own it lol). And on the way I heard a commercial about preventing the eye disease glaucoma simply with regular eye exams and early detection. But what if you don't have regular exams at your disposal?  What if your idea of regular is the frequency of a lunar eclipse... What if you heard that commercial too late... This led me to imagine a world without vision (literally and figuratively). Shit!! Its one thing to be born blind and not missing something you never had. But to go blind after a life of love at first site, deja vu, witnessing miracles.... SHIT!!  Like a race horse who goes blind, somebody please put me to sleep!

The other nite I was catching up on some DVR'd ANTM... Ya life is void if you don't know this acronym. I'll  wait while you google it cuz I refuse to elaborate... Ready?? So yeah Tyra was teaching the girls about smiling with their eyes and how much it impacts their modeling. The energy, the story, the imagination behind emotionally fueled eyes is orgasmic.  The lustful surge between a man and woman, the unyielding trust between a mother and child, the magnetic force between a man and his PS3... Wow, I'm getting chills.

Ok ok I'm rambling but in the past few days the eyes have increasingly been on my mind (and on my face... I'm corny, shoot me lol). I was talking to a friend about getting a tat of the Eye of Providence from the dollar bill but its so deeply associated with free masonry, of which I'm not, so I abandoned the idea. Maybe I'll jus get the eye of willEYElisten. =)

Last but certainly not least, the Motivation for this Post Award goes to my buddy who sent me this pic:

Many would have deleted this self imposed off frame shot. But I think its perfect! Of course he was tryna get his sexy on with this lip shot. But I love it simpy because neither eye is revealed. The left eye is almost visible, showing just a beautiful eyelash or two. But the other eye is completely out of view giving this shot a deeper mystery. Sparking lust and desire to know where those eyes are and what's behind them. To find out the truth that will magically come spewing from his pupils...

I'm going to share a secret with you... I tried tilting the pic a little to see if I could manage the slightest peek at his eyes *BBM embarrased smiley*

Do Ugly People Dump?

Do Ugly People Dump??

Whoooooaaaaa, where do I come off even using that word when I was raised by the Stick and Stones Manual!! I could have used unattractive, less beautiful, “nice personality”, but none of them have quite the same emphasis as UGLY. So with hopes of offending no one, I pose my question again, do ugly people dump??

In a relationship, there’s always one who loves more, one who works harder at the relationship, or one who is considered to be the less attractive of the two. This person who has the lower hand on things will try to over compensate for what they lack. They may do nicer things, make themselves more available, be extra supportive, more understanding… but when you’re a 5 dating a 10, one thing is almost certain, Mr or Ms 5 is NOT going to dump you. Or will they?

NO Way:
Ugly people are grateful for the charitable gift of love.
Seal wouldn’t dare ditch Heidi Klum
5’s become at least a 7 with a 10 on their arm... without that 10, they're back to the same ol' 5
Jay-Z will NEVER get another Beyonce
They are just trying to get in where they fit in...

Probably so:
Ugly people start to believe they must not be that bad looking
Ray J would have never gotten a show without Kim Kardashian
5’s become more marketable after having a 10 on their track record
Nick Cannon dumped Christina Milian and finagled his way into holy matrimony with Mariah Carey
They are just trying to get in where they fit in...

So my question still remains. Do ugly people dump? Do they? *shrugs*

The Worst Kind of Thief Stole My Reality

Everybody says they hate liars... it's a pretty universal dislike across the board. Even liars hate liars, go fig. But when thinking of a world of people who steal away realities, I find myself recollecting an incident that happened to me.

Memorial Day of 2008 I was kidnapped/carjacked. I know, I know, awwwww poor thing. No need to have pity because I walked away with something many people in a similar situation have been stripped of... life. But what I didn't walk away with, aside from the car I was driving, my wallet, house keys, digital camera, cell phone and favorite pair of shoes... I didn't walk away with my piece of mind, my security... my reality.

In short, I was at a light with the passenger window cracked. A man approached the car, stuck a 9mm in the window and told me to open the door. After fumbling with the door panel of buttons and accidentally hitting the passenger window button upwards, causing the gun to shift while pointed straight at me (whew), I unlocked the door letting him in. I tried to get out but he told me to close the door and drive. For a split second I searched for the candid cameras. There were none. So with a stranger now my passenger and the 9 pointed at my waist, I made two right turns and was instructed to follow a green jeep Cherokee. Now feeling like Bonnie, no tears, complying with Clyde’s wishes, I followed the jeep into a parking lot where another man got into the back seat. Bonnie then jumped out the window leaving me feeling like a soon to be rape victim. A dozen questions later and a failed attempt to grab my purse before exiting, I was freed from my 7 minutes of captivity, physically unharmed though scared to death.

With this man’s face still vividly imprinted in my head, I can’t set aside the damage he has done to me internally. I was an infant to danger, ignorant of injustice. Now I’m a cynic. I’m like a criminal looking over my shoulders, double checking locked doors, reluctant to roll down windows at red lights. A straight up nervous wreck!

I tried to put myself in his shoes. Judging by the wear and tear on this man’s face, he was clearly a victim of a hard life. Chipped tooth, unkempt dreadlocks. Someone had clearly stolen his reality at birth. He’s probably blinded to what he has stolen from all of his victims because his only objective is to discover a reality he has never had. Seems selfish to me… seems like survival to him. *shrugs*

So to all the reality thieves regardless of your motives, think back to a time when you’re reality was compromised. When you were given no options. When you had no mind to make up, no mind to change. Someone else was feeding you your present and dictating your future. You’d agree it’s an overwhelmingly helpless feeling!! When you tell a lie, when you cheat, when you’re motivated by greed stripping another of reality, you are stealing what would have been real if you hadn’t altered the balance of their world. No bandaid can fix that. Ever.

Like there is no degree of sin, there's no forseen degree of emotion from this type of robbery.  The victim will unpredictably be sentenced to an indefinite time frame of emptiness ranging from moments of sadness to a lifetime of anquish.  So let's make a deal: let me have my reality, and I'll let you have yours.  Deal??

Where do the Regular Blacks belong??

When you're born in a country, you are born a citizen of that country. And by birthright you should be proud of the country you call home. But what about African-Americans born in America as descendants of African slaves from 450 years ago?? Do you really want to take pride in a nation built on the blood, sweat and tears of your oppressed ancestors? Oh hell naw! Not particularly.

Regular Blacks are something like a lost cause. We go to the West Indian Day Parade and play innie-meenie-minnie-moe to pick a flag to represent. Or we say to ourselves, my boo is Trini, so I guess I’ll rep that. Regular blacks often bare the features of some other ethnicity but hastily deny any affiliated blood line whether it’s Haitian, Spanish or white… and collectively chant, “Regular Black… Regular Black.” It’s like we deny that inclusive pride because we’ve been denied. Regular Blacks hang around the other Blacks, be it Bajans, Nigerians or Jamaicans and feel the desire to sound just like them, so we subconsciously imitate their accent. But truth be told, we can barely understand a thing that’s being said to us. Then we get real ignorant and say things like, “Oh he’s cute for a Haitian” or “She’s pretty to be African.” And that’s only because we’re brainwashed by ideas of beauty. All in all, we are just a lost cause.

Many issues plague Black Americans with Caribbean and African descendants included. We collectively suffer economically, educationally and socially but regular blacks seem to sit uncomfortably at the bottom of those barrels. Nevertheless we’re excessively proud to see black faces in corporate America, in the highly ranked health fields, and any other positions of power… even when those numbers become slim for Regular Blacks. Is it because our minds remain enslaved? Do we have no sense of cultural pride, no sense of where we came from? Or are we still suffering from what Black Panther, Stokely Carmichael, coined as institutionalized racism? **shrugs** (Not shrugging cuz I don’t care… shrugging cuz I don’t know… do you??)

SB: I take pride in being Regular Black because I'm proud being BLACK!!
 
As a matter of Fact!!
February 2:
1862 - District of Columbia abolishes slavery
1897 - Alfred L. Cralle invented the ice cream scooper
1962 - 11 people arrested after sit-in
2010 - I blogged about being Regular Black
Got this stuff from BlackFacts.com

Black History in the USA: Banned Cartoon

Help From the Inside, Out

A good Facebook friend of mine raised a very interesting point in the midst of this save the world crisis. 

**Disclaimer: I am in support of helping Haiti and I proudly made my text message donation**

Ok with that out the way, why exactly has America risen to the occasion and charged full force in the direction of supporting Haiti financially and physically when the last time I checked, we ARE in a recession, the economy is in the biggest deficit America has ever seen, the homeless are still without shelter, the hungry still have no meals, our kids are dropouts, our dads are absent, our moms are emotional wrecks; our futures bland, our present is miserly, our history a blur.  Did we magically Optimus Prime into a position where we can provide aid only to return home with America's pockets like rabbit ears (inside out)?  Are we using credit cards to charge the 115Mill P dot Obama has committed to??

I know it's hard... but turn the channel!!

May God Bless the World... starting with Haiti!!

Due to the recent catastrophic disaster in Haiti, we are all in a frenzy to find family, to offer support, to embrace those near us, to be angry, to cry, and most of all to beg for God's mercy and understanding.  And whatever helps you find solace, wrap your arms around it until your heart beats are stablized and the tears have stopped flowing.  In the meantime, X out the websites, turn off the television programs and change the radio stations.  Because in the midst of all tragedies, the media will turn us all against each other.

How so??

Starting Over

Ever feel like packing a bag and catching a cab to the airport to take the next available flight outta here? Not to run from anything, not to avoid anything, not to pretend… but to take a chance on life and start brand new. I believe living an average life is sooo below average. And I just don’t want to settle.

I’ve lived in both Virginia and Texas doing internships during college. I have friends who have studied abroad or have taken extensive vacations in other countries. I know people who have picked up and started lives on opposite sides of the country, in different states, in different time zones. I have no college debt, or any debt for that matter, no kids and really no worries. Soooo…Why am I still in Jersey??

Right now I’m looking for a genie and I only want one wish: PASSION.
Passion drives you to follow your innermost dreams.
Passion cannot be defused.
Passion will pack that one bag, call that cab, and send you on the first flight outta here.

I just need to find my passion and figure out what means the most to me…

Don’t be surprised if I call your phone from another area code =)
SB: Don’t worry babe… I’m taking you with me
SB2: Once again, just venting... (maybe)

Hook-Up Bracelets

So I'm watching Degrassi on Teen Nick (don't judge me lol).  It's a tv series about a group of teens who attend Degrassi High who all have issues seemingly larger than life.  Growing up in a single parent home or dodging bullets in the hood are almost child's play when compared to the issues these teens face.  From school shootings, to issues with drugs, kids who cut themselves, relationship abuse, homosexuality with hate crimes... I'd take a day growing up in the hood over any day in the life of these melodramatic, problematic teens.  But I'm not in the business of promoting some play-play semblance of real life, no matter how entertaining I think it is.  I just want to focus in on something I just witnessed that I had only heard about before: hook-up bracelets.

Happy Just Another Day (2010 Edition)

Yup… so it’s TwentyTen… new year, new decade. And sorry if the title of this post seems a bit dismal… but let’s be real, it’s just another day. Yes, I know that throws a wrench in your intentions, in your goals, because at the start of every new year, you have this magical list drawn and all the pixie dust needed to get them executed. Wait, my bad, not magical list… you know them best when called, RESOLUTIONS… ahhh yes, resolutions, a list of all the changes you’ll be making and all you needed to solidify the change was that 12,00 pound, glowing ball to drop while you counted down to 1. And at the stroke of midnight, you became less of a procrastinator, more of a go-getter, less self-centered, more dependable, less of what’s not needed and more of what’s needed to live a happier, healthier, and more prosperous life. (This is when I cough and say “bullshit” simultaneously, please use your vivacious imaginations lol)

No Boo for the Holidays... Good for you!

Everyone knows the winter time is the time to get boo'd up, to find someone to keep you warm for those cold, snowy nights. To call the boys up and say, "Nah, I'm good on drinks tonight, shorty comin ova." To tell ya girls ya boopy is outside shoveling out ya car. Yet you look to ya left... And then to ya right... No one. Last year you had a hunny and the year before you had a few. But this year's summer time flings all came up as void as the degrees started dropping with the autumn leaves. Now here it is xmas, the most wonderful time of the year, and you don't have as much as a late night shorty or even a text message boopy. But let's not drown in the sorrows of the single slump. Instead, pour yaself a tall glass of Turkey Hill Eggnog, spiked with some rum, of course, and toast to a Happy Holiday. 


And here's a few reasons why.

1. Buying presents for that special someone falls heavily on those pockets. And you just slid by this holiday without a dent in the credit card bill. Bravo!

2. No sitting up in the faces of ya shorty's or boopy's family as they open half ass gifts they could have done without. Boring!


3. A brand new year is approaching and you won't be carrying any baggage from some mixed emotional relationship. Fresh start for the fresh TwentyTen!

4. New Year's resolution: Zoom In! Get to know what makes you click and let these hunnies work hard to capture that.  So no more trying to fit into their picture.5. You can stop going crazy!! Stop doing the same things and expecting different results. If you like a pretty face, look for girls that make you laugh instead. If you've been after the flyyest dude, keep a look out for the guy who enjoys just being in your presence. You're free from redundancy. Feel the power!

My close homegirl and some other friends of mine are all sulking and riffing because they wish they had a snuggle bunny for the holiday season and throughout these winter months.  But to hell with that greener grass on the other side.  It's artificial and store bought. You are ending this year and starting a new one headache free, you lucky sons of guns!!

SB: 'Tis the season to stop beasting... Fa-la-la-la-laaaaa. EYEListen.

Accountability and Consequence

I don't often feature articles without my own two cents of input but this particular story speaks for itself.  This fits right in line with my posts on infidelity over the past few days.

Somali Man Stoned to Death by Militants for Adultery is an article on Huffington Post accompanied by several graphic pics.  This guy cheated and was sentenced to be stoned while villagers were forced to look on.  The "side chic" received 100 lashes, though, nothing more because she was not married at the time.

Check the article out and scroll through the pics.  I copied a few below.  Beware, they're pretty graphic.

Here's some accountability and consequence...

No More Pouty Men at the Mall

Ladies do ya man a favor and go to the mall without him.

Asking your boo to accompany you to the mall is like your mom asking you as a child to make your own dentist appointment, pay for the copay, and follow up with all the future visits.  Forget about it!!  As soon as you saw the postcard with the devilishly smiling toothbrushes, you were ripping up the evidence and flushing it down the toilet.  But hopeless boyfriends and husbands of the world aren't lucky enough to get postcard sized reminders of the big day when his woman wants to spend the whole damn day at the mall.


I just got off the phone with my homegirl who just knew she had a story to tell where I would be taking her side.
Homegirl:  Jay, tell me why I just came to the mall with Q and as soon as we get here he told me, ok, let's meet back up, right here, in like an hour.  Can you believe this wack shit?
Me:  Ummm yeah I can believe it... and now that I know, I'ma do the same thing the next time you and I go to the mall!!

Girls can be a pain in the rear at the mall.  They, I mean we (but I'll continue to say they, cuz I'm not that bad), they go in all the "girly" stores with the beaming, hot lights and want to try everything on that isn't their size but they are hoping this store runs small.  Have you ever been to Marciano's in Garden State Plaza Mall??  That store only has 4 dressing rooms!!  4 dressings rooms??  Un-freakin-believable!!  I was there a couple weeks ago with above mentioned homegirl and spent like an hour just waiting for her to get a room.  So, I can't blame a man who will leave a note on one of the waiting chairs saying, "Boo, this is for the birds... call me and I'll come back and pick you up..."

Lenders at the Borrower's Mercy: Just Say NO

PSA:  Do not part with material things you cannot afford to lose. I repeat, refrain from loaning, giving, or fronting money or items you cannot afford to lose...

*dusting off hands*  THERE!! Now the word is out. Now there will be no more beef, no more tension, no more jealousy, awkwardness, resentment, hate, travesties or demonic rituals due to unreturned loot or merchandise. No need to thank me...and hold ya applause.

Shit, yeah right, and as you read, someone is handing over their Christian Dior shades, their most prized DVDs, their car, their TomTom and a whole shitload of other stuff... especially MONEY. And in their hearts they truly believe they will see these items again. Well... won't they??????  No one really knows and that's how we immediately set ourselves up for disappointment as we watch our merchandise wave its final goodbye. Realize these are all material things. Things that can be damaged, lost, blown or stolen. And before those possessions leave your possession, ask yourself, Am I ready to lose a lifelong friendship over some cash.... my car.... a DVD??

Knock it off: Say NO to Knock Offs

What is it about the fashion industry that has us so brain washed and desperate? Why do we want to pretend we can afford what is monetarily out of our reach? Cutting to the chase, why the hell do people rock knock offs??

Knock off are replicas, imitations, boot-leg versions of an actual product. It usually costs a 10th of the “real” product and is hardly manufactured with the same craftsmanship. Knock offs come in a plastic shopping bag while the real product is gift wrapped in a box. Knock offs are purchased in dark alleys or on Canal Street from ya main man Lee while the real thing is found in department stores or on Fifth Avenue from a suave guy named Sebastian.  Knock offs are a piece of shit, straight up and down. Yet more and more people purchase them and rock them hoping no one will notice. Well guess what, you’ve been noticed. How, you may wonder?? Glad you asked. There are 3 simple ways to tell if someone is rocking a knock off. Well really 4 but who is really gonna flip it to the inside where it says made by Knock Off & Co.

Knock Off Approved #1. It looks cheesy and plastic: You do realize you pay for what you get. It’s a disposable product, after one wear, you might as well toss it.  Otherwise by wear number 2, the wear and tear is showing through.

Knock Off Approved #2. You’re at the bus stop: C’mon, no one is paying that type of money to be standing at a bus stop in the middle of the hood where the goons are on the prowl. And unless that bus is headed to ya job in NYC, it’s not likely your product is real.

Knock Off Approved #3. The rest of your outfit is pretty damn cheap: If your outfit was purchased Downtown, Irvington Center or Rainbow, your knock off is gonna stick out like a sore thumb. Your kicks can’t be run down, ya jacket can’t be dirty and your style can’t be wack if you really expect people to believe in that knock off.  You need to knock it off...

So be weary because we’re on to you. And if you noticed, I haven’t specified the gender by which this stuff is worn. That’s because knock offs aren’t gender specific. Lately, I’ve been noticing knock off Gucci men’s belts. And though you can get away with rocking 30 dollar Levis and still look cool, and every dude in the hood got at least one pair of multi-purpose Pradas (Multi-purpose Pradas: worn to the gym, to work and to the club all in the same day), the dirty finger nails and ya swag, or lack there of, lets me know you’re a fraud. Name brand clothing isn’t a label; it’s a style, an attitude, a way of life.

So please, do me a favor and refrain from rocking knock offs. It’s ok if a thousand dollar purchase isn’t in your budget. Knock offs shouldn’t be in ya vocab. And the only thing worst than a knock off is the almost versions of the knock offs. (like Fendi but the F’s are really L’s or how Guess got their own rendition of Gucci kicks… hilarious)

SB: Overly expensive name brand clothing should be for the wealthy, not those of us who are nickel and diming to keep up with the hype. EYEListen.

There are no cameras, who are you posing for??

Imitation is considered to be a form of flattery. Yeah… when you’re on the receiving end. If you’re doing the imitating, you’re looking like a sucka. Now don’t get me wrong, if you’re 12 and you look up to your big brother, get ya imitating on. Or even if you’re a young chap moving into adulthood and there’s a suave gentleman you want to learn your mack from, get ya imitating on. But if you’re a grown ass man and you feel the need to imitate rappers, ballers, or pimps, c’mon homeboy, you’re killing me. Now let me get my list out.

Ahem! Number 1. You all are NOT, I repeat NOT Lil Wayne. When he said, “Lil mama got a swag like mine, she even wear her hair down her back like mine…” uhhh he was talking about a girl. You all act like that was your cue to wear extra skinnies so uncomfortably fitted below the buttocks. To flock to the malls and buy ALL the plaid shirts and the scarves; to wear them EXACTLY how Wayne does. And then you all tie your locks back very loosely so that a few of them fall out of place, just like the Kid. I mean really, did you google his style, copy and then paste?

Quarter Life Crisis

Everyone is all too familiar with the quarter life crisis. It’s the scramble to figure out who you are, what you are doing and what the hell is next. Perhaps you finished college a few years ago, you’ve been working for a year or two, or maybe three, and the lease on your apartment is almost up. Now you're trying to make the grown up decisions on whether or not to start house hunting, can you afford a new car payment and you’re budgeting for payments on your college debt. The pressure is on. But I’d be remiss if I didn’t tell you this… honey, you are making excellent strides. You need not be so hard on yourself. Begin counting your blessings; weigh the extreme necessities against the materialism of life. Here’s an activity for you to bring things into perspective: grab a pen and pad and write down your biggest accomplishments of the last 5 years. Write down everything you believe is worthy of recognition. And in case your an overachiever, have a close friend sit with you who will remember to throw in the times you sat with your sick grandmother at the hospital, when you gave your last to help your mom pay a bill, when you took your nephew to his first basketball game. Achievements aren't always material, they're reflections of character too.

Genetics Driven

Not too long ago, I had a facebook status questioning who the worst drivers are. And though I don't express the views of my fb friends who responded (disclaimer), a vast majority said either women or Asians. And if you’re an Asian woman, perhaps an exchange should be made: your license for a bus pass. Well, to bring light to the situation, I have discovered an article illuminating bad driving (funny how people can claim to have discovered something that was already there). Turns out, these hindrances to the road, particularly when I’m running late for work, is attributed to genetics.