Friday, November 13, 2009
There are no cameras, who are you posing for??
Ahem! Number 1. You all are NOT, I repeat NOT Lil Wayne. When he said, “Lil mama got a swag like mine, she even wear her hair down her back like mine…” uhhh he was talking about a girl. You all act like that was your cue to wear extra skinnies so uncomfortably fitted below the buttocks. To flock to the malls and buy ALL the plaid shirts and the scarves; to wear them EXACTLY how Wayne does. And then you all tie your locks back very loosely so that a few of them fall out of place, just like the Kid. I mean really, did you google his style, copy and then paste?
Number 2. Bottle popping in the club looks so much better on tv. Who are you kidding? Ok maybe, just maybe it gets you girls’ numbers (ladies, if you are that thirsty, you’re corny too). But everyone knows you and you’re broke!! Refrain from saving up your allowance to pop bottles in the club. It’s a recession and that type of purchase just isn’t cost effective.
Number 3. I touched on this in my Quarter Life Crisis blog. The last of your pennies shouldn’t be spent on your luxury car note. We know you’re a cool guy and the ladies love your swag. Do you really need that kind of debt just to keep up with the jones’? I asked around, and they told me they’d still like you in a Toyota. Some even said they’d like you better. Like Joe Buddens said, “You can’t hide nothing in a hood so small…” So many know your financial situation and if you hired any one of us as your financial consultant, we wouldn’t have let you make that purchase. Again, not cost effective.
Number 4. You are not THE MAN!! We all know you can get girls. But have you taken a look at the quality of these girls? Ever hear of the expression “Quality over quantity”? Please stop flooding my inbox with “Can we be friends” and when I casually decline you feel the need to thrash me with “Oh well I get plenty girls”. Uhhh earth to loser, I don’t care lol. You don’t have to front for me because if you think you get a ton of girls, here’s a little secret, facebook doesn’t count.
And lastly Number 5 should have been number 1 to me. This one is a bit different from the others. It’s the Poser Way of wearing your heart on your sleeve. It’s the Frank Lucas when he got bumped for wearing the chinchilla. It’s the bragging rights minus the rights. We know you have lots of money, we know you have a good job with benefits and perks, we know you feed the homeless on the first and second weekends of every month, and we know that you saved a family of five from a burning building, single handedly with a bad knee and blindfolded while singing Hero accapella. “Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches…” And I’ll just leave it at that.
The easiest person to be is YOURSELF. Try it, you might like him (or her, girls are posers too but that’s a later discussion).