Quotes To Live By

People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use...

EYE live by these quotes

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

So you Cheat Because...??

So as a follow up to the riled up emotions I expressed yesterday, I want to express some ideas I’ve had about why a man may cheat. In immediate frustration with the topic, I want to go in on a rampage bashing every man that cheats on his lady. But I’ll take this slow and really try to focus on a few key points…

Insecurity- cheaters have self confidence issues. Even the cute guys need that reaffirmation on a regular basis. (He's the guy who says, nah, girls don't like me... or girls don't think I'm cute... with hopes of you chiming in, Oh baby you're a hottie!!)  Meanwhile, he falls victim to every pretty face, or "fatty", that shows him some attention. Now for you less attractive guys who’ve been "ugly" (socially standardized) all your lives and never got a chance wit the “baddest” chic on the block, we know your M.O. You grew up, bought some defining gear (clothes make the man??), got a mean swag and now the ladies love you. And you’re overwhelmed that even though you've found the girl of your dreams, you can’t believe all the options you have before you. This overwhelming sense of importance just further feeds your selfishness… which leads me to my next point...

Selfishness- Every cheater is in it for himself. Unless the chic you’re cheating with is a millionaire and you’re letting her trick on you so you can send your girl through med school... you got your own interest at hand. Grow the hell up!! The world stopped revolving around you the day you were born. Your infidelity is baffling and your audacity is sickening. What’s life if your whole moral standing is built on quick sand and your consideration for the woman you love is faltering? You’re a parasite festering on the lives of people who care for you. Grow a set and stand on your own. (my bad, got a little frenzied)...

Dependency- Many men deny being a momma’s boy. But if you’re moving from one girl to the next and many of these relationship are overlapping, here's the underlying blame: It’s all your momma’s fault. Don’t get me wrong, I love your mommas. But clearly, she has created a monster. You fear being alone. You fear not having that someone there to wipe your boo-boos and hold your hand. But you’re too grown to still be suckling on your momma’s bosom so you turn to the next best thing, your woman. You feel secure knowing that wifey is home waiting to nurse your wounds of the day. Some wounds that have been inflicted by other women. And being the good wifey she is, she will always be waiting for you with open arms, at least until the day she smartens up.

Which brings me to my last and final focal point behind cheating men... WOMEN.

Women- Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on women. Forgive a cheater one time and one time only! Because every time after that, it is at your own risk. A man can’t continue to cheat on a woman that has left his sorry @$$. So the more you forgive, the more you invite the abuse. If women aren't such pushovers, men wouldn’t be able to prey on our vulnerability. If a man hasn’t confronted the damage he has done to the relationship or to us mentally, and neither has he reconciled, how can we grow or move forward? No man learns a woman’s worth from a woman who hasn’t learned it herself. EYEListen

SB: I honestly believe there is no excuse valid enough to cheat.  Not the overwhelming tempation, not the lack of fire in the relationship, not the good ol', I tripped and landed in her... Men, honor your woman or turn her lose to a man who will...


  1. You miss the most important reason with the most painful end...all people not just men, cheat because at the time they decided they felt like it...no thought was involved, no problem was conceived, due to the fact that we as a culture have valued lies as being safer the the truth...As one gets older, there are worst things, and this among them because it feels like the person did not care...and it is most true, until they get caught and then the reality of the actions become real, and only then by witnessing the pain does it at least get shared...seeing some one you love in pain because you did not think...and now you will feel the pain as well.No one wins, everyone loses. K Michael

  2. @ Asia, I take it you are in agreeance lol

    @ K Michael, you are exactly right... it's almost like cheating exists in your fantasy world until the truth is revealed and now, in reality, you sit in the face of your actions and in the face of the heart you have broken. That's why i believe in forgiving only once; To allow a man (or woman) to confront their own mistakes, realizing the consequences. And if they slip again, you HAVE to part ways. Check out my earlier post Love vs Relationship, it's a direct experience where my bf has used his one and only get of cheating free card.
    Thanks a lot for your comment, very thought provoking.

  3. it's always interesting to me to hear a woman's perspective on why a man cheats... in my experience they are usually wrong... i dont even think men KNOW why they cheat... they just do it... i'm not sure if the reason particularly matters... cheating happens like breathing happens it just does. you can stop yourself from breathing, but eventually you will lust for a breath of fresh air.... i could say more but my efforts would be futile

  4. Whats the purpose here: healing, consensous or griping? I know this is your blog (I understand that you can do with it what you will); however, can we focus this emotially driven, but important topic towards learning and growth. First, we can not address this issue without truly accepting that the responsibilty does not just fall on the men. It is not true that men are the only perpetrators in the cases of cheating or infidelity. I have come to understand (through maturity) that the human existence is often weakened in love. Our individual social engineering plays a huge part in why we do and do not cheat. But this disucssion can not be healthy or progressive if it is one sided with male bashing because the retorts are not nicely packaged statements of what women what to hear. There are ugly sides that need to be heard as well.

  5. The problem is that too many men and women speak for other men and women. Alot of time we refuse to look at what we can do individually to be better people so that we can be good to our mate. Just because some of you women remain faithful doesn't mean that you don't have flaws that need to be corrected. If your an a** Hole your man might cheat on you. If you push him away because of your daddy issues he might cheat on you. If you complain all the time about what he won't do he's probably going to be in the arms of a women who strokes his ego. Just as much as you want compliments from ur man he needs them from you. As for the mommas boy, just remember that a man is born of a women. Thats a direct look at yourself. Most our mothers are the ones who teach us to not trust alot of these women. They never really approve of who u date and even when they do they really aren't ready for you to settle down. At the end of the day people need to figure what they can do to be better people first before the try and add another person to the equation.

  6. haha @rey. but i think i'm going to have to disagree, i dont think its human nature nor its like taking in a deep breath. also i think men know why they do it, if they didnt then why risk something u put yourself into (ur relationship). i think we have our reasons and sometimes it just better left unsaid, meaning men probably dont wanna tell their significant other that this girl look better then them or this girl listens more or basically this girl is someone i rather be with for the time being, whatever the reason is there is always a reason. always be aware communication plays a vital role in relationships and without it its gonna be very hard to withstand being in a rela.....

  7. Markens, I appreciate your rebuttal to Rey's comment, you make some good points. Yes, communication isn't a option, it's a necessity.

    As for the three prior commenters, I have a seperate post coming to address you all.

    Thanks for all the comments!! I love your perspectives, whethere I agree or not. Thanks for reading!!